Tuesday, November 20, 2018

And the winner is: innocence... what most of my readers want assistance with

Innocence is a lot like freedom: you can have freedom from and you can have freedom for...

And then there is BEING Freedom, Being Free... a sacred state of being... a context, that is available at any time for people whose word and Self connect strongly. Whose word creates their beingness.

Same with innocence... there is innocence from, I bet this is what my readers have in mind, then there is innocence for...

And then there is INNOCENCE... a state of being. Having been untouched by the "stuff" that makes you dirty, discolored, jaded, altered, and prejudiced.

I live in that state of innocence 30% of my awake time. The rest of the time: I am judging, reacting, or know already... just like you.

One of my all time favorite movies is The Guru. When I am low, when I am depressed, losing faith in humanity, in my ability to make a difference, I make a point of watching it. It"s about THAT innocence: it washes me clean of all that could make be dirty if remained on me.

I have been saving it for myself... not trusting that you can get it: the main characters are porn actors... act and screw for a living.

You would think that screwing for a living makes you jaded, or dirty, or take away your innocence, but it is not necessarily so.

In fact, it isn"t the activity, it isn"t what happens in the visible that destroys your innocence: it is what happens on the inside.

Everything that comes from society, all the meanings, all the judgments, all the rules, all the "Tree of Knowledge" stuff, makes you not innocent, makes you "dirty" inside.

Just observe your reaction to the fact that in the movie "The Guru" the main characters are porn actors... If you did have a reaction, it is a clear sign that you have lost your innocence.

All loss of innocence comes from meaning.

Things are no longer "It is what it is", they are meaningful. They are positive or negative. Good or bad. Right or wrong. Proper or improper. Nice or not. Innocence is gone with any of these meanings.

If you look, your life has hundreds of incidents, that you now have an opinion about.

You may think things positive and negative, and try to avoid what you call negative, negative words, negative people, negative anything, and pile up the positive... You are as corrupted as it comes. Maybe already too far gone to be "saved" and returned to innocence.

In life you are eating the menu, and can"t even taste the food...

Things are covered up by meanings, and you can"t see them... only the meanings.

I am not religious, and especially not a Christian, but the following words resonate with me, because I have experienced the truth myself:

He said, "...unless you turn from your sins and become like little children, you will never get into the Kingdom of Heaven."

I don"t know what the church teaches this means, and honestly I don"t much care. I"ll tell you what it actually means:

1. The only sin, the original sin, is accepting another"s interpretation, another"s meaning of what is good and what is evil. The original sin... that the bible identifies as "eating from the tree of knowledge.". the moment you don"t look at things as they are, but as they are said they are... you lost your innocence, and you are corrupted.

2. The Kingdom of Heaven is Heaven on Earth... being happy, fulfilled, joyful while you are alive...

So how do we do it?

I had a lot of stuff happen to me, and I was a miserable excuse for a human for many many decades.

When I started to volunteer at the Landmark (Werner Erhard and Associates) offices back in 1986, I was told by staff members that I took up space, and didn"t provide any.

In the language of my Starting Point Measurements, I had a very high about-me score, 70%.

I spent another 25 years doing all the work diligently in Landmark... and yet, I wasn"t getting much happier.

The turning point for me in the Partnership Explorations Course, where you needed to do "tons" of collages. And one of those collages showed me the before meaning, the placing meaning, and the after meaning, as I was making the collage during class... because who has time to do "tons" of collages, right? So I had to make up all the homework while others could give all their attention to the course leader...

But because my attention was divided, maybe, much like when I play Freecell, I could see how the process corrupted my view of life.

I was doing a collage with the theme: I am locked out... locked out of the finer things in life.

The first thing I did is glued pictures of people partying, having a grand time on some poolside. And then I cut thin black strips from a magazine page, and carefully created the separation... me on this side, the party on the other side.

It was obvious: I wasn"t locked out. I locked myself out, with my meaning.

When I looked over my "tons" of collages, I saw the same thing: my meaning put on top of reality, on what was actually happening.

Had there been a Playground course in 1986, I would have become innocent during its 12 months, guaranteed. Muscle test confirms in.

But there was no Playground then, and there is no Playground in Landmark"s curriculum. Not a money maker... happy people don"t throw their money away... happy people are happy to be happy, build themselves, build a business, build a family that is also happy.

I have priced MY Playground as if it were a 10-day course... Maybe two webinars, no other goodies.

But I have done these webinars before, and the results weren"t there... so I have wizened up, and added two additional elements that when used, make the course 10 times more potent, and start producing innocence faster.

The pull of society to maintain its value, its good and evil, its meaning, is tremendous. Especially around holidays. Thanksgiving and Christmas are the worst... because all the pretense love, and all the pretense gratitude. Ugh.

I expect to have double workload after this holiday to return people to their intention: happiness, heaven on earth, becoming little children to enter the Kingdom of Heaven.

I am making the Playground a standard offering from now on.

Women and men are separated. Both current groups have five members... and I"d love to add one ne person to each... one of the new features is pairing students up so they can practice dropping the meaning and looking at what is the reality.

The reality is what little children see... innocently. There is never any suffering, never anything wrong in reality. All that suffering, all the wrong is added by you or other people. It doesn"t belong to the fact, doesn"t belong to reality.

Don"t be mistaken: it takes some sharp eyes, and some (a lot of) practice to see what is real and what is added. That is why the course is one year long.

One of my students, Amy, said it best: consider that by doing the Playground (if you are accepted) you have the opportunity to earn a PhD in just one year... Wouldn"t you go for it?

Monday, November 19, 2018

"What you would seem to be, be really." Russian Proverb

Your elbow is close, yet you can"t bite it... another Russian proverb...

Your mind says: I am not enough... it has been saying it for a long time... but nothing has changed.

It is Monday Morning and I am already not enough.

I just read the Monday Morning Memo, and it answered my nagging question: why am I not more successful? And answered it in a way that turned me into a heap of meat: I can"t do what it tells people to do... put sentences the way he says...

I can"t. I"ll never amount to much... maybe it"s time to pack it in.

I am pondering what he teaches, I am pondering my inability, I am pondering how I can live, have the audacity to live, now that I know.

I am pondering, as always, while I play Freecell, a computer card game. A completely impossible setup solves itself... I win the game.

I have a sudden thought: If I could learn to play Freecell this well, maybe I can learn to write the way the Monday Morning Memo says to write...


I muscle test it... The muscle test says: yes. Hm.

Here is the famous alphabet principle: if you say A, and you said B, you may have to say the whole alphabet...

I see it playing out... I said: I am not enough at this... then I said: I could learn it... and now I am seeing the whole enormity of effort it might take to actually learn it.

The pile of money, the interesting work seems like it is on the other side of the ocean... not even visible from where I am standing. Not attainable...

If you recognize yourself, your self-talk, your sentiments, your behavior in mine, then let"s talk.


When you get to talk to me... by the time you get to ask me, you have probably gone through this a thousand times, and every time you said... meh, not worth it. Not worth the effort, not worth the time, not worth it.
  • Not worth reading a book that is not fully exciting and entertaining.

  • Not worth going through the awkwardness of a conversation to get to mutual understanding.

  • Not worth this, and not worth that.


So you did nothing. And not surprisingly you found yourself where you are
  • 1. not being enough... not having enough... not knowing enough to do what is now important to you... Like whip out an essay on whatever topic, get married, have friends, find a job that you would enjoy doing, whatever...

  • 2. having a habit of saying no to any real effort, anything that takes longer than a few minutes to do.

You"ve become minuteman... minute woman... no real accomplishments, no self-love, no path open for you to grow.


"I am not enough" is magically coupled with the "it"s not worth it". Tenacity is the opposite... but who has time for that?
The result: no action, and a good reason to feel that you are not enough.

There is a third sneaky partner in this pattern, the one that tells you that you are smart. And yet, when we look at your life, there is no sign of smartness, only signs of procrastination, or no action. Self-involvement, and under-achieving.

My example I share with you in the beginning is real... But I half-lack the second element... the "it isn"t worth it" part, so I am not quite as stuck as you are. But I am still stuck in certain areas... and that "I am not enough" niggles at me more than I"d like it.

That niggling is potentially a good thing.


You see, the way to get from where you are to where you"d like to be is to place yourself, firmly, into the gap. the gap between the "before" and the "after"...

In my case: I can"t write the kind of effective "copy" as the author of the Monday Morning Memo... The Wizard of Ads. But if I could, I would have the kinds of results, the kinds of response my stuff deserves.

The gap


The gap is between what I can do now, and what would produce the off the top response my stuff deserves... One skill that is missing is to write the way the Wizard teaches.

It may take months, years, me practicing daily, and feeling like a dork. But what else am I going to do with my time? Play mine-sweep? Go to Facebook? Pinterest? Celebrate Thanksgiving? lol... ugh.

You see, I have placed myself in the gap... and now the gap can niggle at me. I have set it up... now it became one of the plates I spin: practice writing sentences like the Wizard.

I have one student who doesn"t seem to have this dynamic going very strongly. Even though his soul correction is one of the resistant ones (Sexual Energy), in most of the areas of life he doesn"t resist... except when it comes to eating... There he has this it"s-not-worth-it in spades.

But every other student I have has this dynamic trio: I-am-not-enough plus It"s-not-worth-it plus I-am-smart, and dislodging them seems to be impossible.

They have time for all kinds of indulgences... but not for the work they do with me.


Thanksgiving is one of the indulgences for which they give up the gap, give up self-growth, give up a life they can love and live powerfully.

A 2-3-hour meal where you overeat, till you want to puke, talk to people who you could talk to anytime... but you don"t pick up the phone... and the whole life, the whole plan, the whole gap disappears... And your vibration drops to the level of a slacker, a bum.

And this happens also at Christmas, at Easter... and maybe two-three times more a year.

I weep for you. I weep for the potential you traded for a meal and a get-together.


Question: is this "no holidays" thing for life?


Answer: No. Once you have firmly established the gap and the practice that takes you to the other shore of the ocean, you can pick up the plates and continue...

You WILL drop the plates during the get-togethers, but because it has become a habit to do the practices, you CAN pick up the pieces.

The problem is with people who haven"t gotten to an established habit yet... either because they haven"t decided to put themselves into the gap, or because they are in the beginning, or they are sporadic about the practicing.

I would say that 2-3 months of consistent practicing should do the trick of making the habit stable. But if you look at the holiday schedule in the United States, you rarely have a 2-3 months break between them.

99.99% of your family isn"t up to something, and will have no sympathy, no compassion, no support for you to be up to something. If you hope that they will let you off the hook: keep on hoping.

The one student who managed to establish a habit before he dropped all the plates due to a family get-together, has managed to raise his vibration in seven months, more than a hundred points.

It"s taken a lot of steps, big and small. And a lot of daily practices. And some money... comparatively not much...

Question: How did you learn to play Freecell so well, Sophie?


Answer: If you look, billions of people are doing jobs for years, and don"t get significantly better, faster, more accurate at it. So doing a job from beginning to end doesn"t make you get better.

What makes you getting better is doing parts of it that can be considered a unit. This is how you are trained in sports... or if you aren"t, you don"t get better: you have a lousy coach.

The way to get better at everything is to get better at elements of it, the order of things, the speed of execution, the recognizing patterns, etc. And that is what i did...

I spent a lot of time practicing and getting better at deciding what the first step should be... and the gains were small... not mentioning the fact that it was tedious for me... I like to start things fast, even if I muck it up.

A lot of you get stuck before you start... you want to do more research, or you want to feel like doing the practice.

Others start fast and sloppy, do it for a day, or two, and then fizzle out.

Neither extreme leads to a successful crossing the great divide, the gap. Neither of these buys you a life you can love and live it powerfully.

So what does? Systematic, tireless, thoughtful, and consistent.

This is where the third element will screw you up: you are smart, and smart people don"t have to learn, don"t have to practice... because they are smart.

B.S... The world is full of self-declared smart nobodies... Don"t fall for that b.s.

Question: Do I have to do this with everything I am not good at?


Yes and no. If it is important to get good at something, you"ll know.

It"s almost more important to know that once you get good at something you didn"t feel you could do... your self-image, especially your self-trust shifts. The more self-trust you have, earned self-trust, not delusional!, the more you"ll be inspired to learn to get good at the things you deem important.

And when in doubt, a coach or mentor who can see further and wider than you, can point out what you need to get good at.

Sunday, November 18, 2018

To what degree do you fulfill others" expectations of you?

I had an experience this morning that made me look and made me ponder.

The number of times my site is recommended by google has dropped to one third in the past two-three months.

I wasn"t sure why... so yesterday they told me: it is because I am not getting any visitors from Pinterest. That is weird... why would I want get any visitors from Pinterest, and if I did... what would they want on my site? I don"t sell clothes, pretty nick-knacks... that is what Pinterest users want, right? Pretty stuff...

So I looked up my stats software and I found that I had 51 visitors from Pinterest. They stayed anywhere from 1 second to 3 seconds, meaning: they weren"t interested in what I have to offer, not in the least.

OK, why am I sharing this? What is the relevance of this for you and for me?

There is this human need to fulfill others expectations of you, to be well thought of, to be supported, or at least allowed you to do your own thing in peace. Google expect me to fulfill its expectation of what a valuable site is...

We started to need this when we were babies... and we never stopped needing it, to our detriment...

But... do you actually know what others" expectations of you are?


We think we know, and we are always wrong. Dead wrong. Disappointingly wrong.

Here are two examples:
  • Some 30 years ago I taking a course on relationships. The course leader, a lovely woman, married to another course leader, shared how their marriage looks: they both travel the world to lead courses, but every Thursday they return to their home base and meet.


She had been worried about their marriage, she had been worried that she was a disappointment for her husband. And she KNEW what he was expecting her to be, and she wasn"t it.

One day, one of the Thursdays, she asked her husband: what would make you satisfied that I am a good wife to you?

The husband answered: One home cooked meal a week would do that for me.

I remember crying. It hit me hard, the gap between what I thought husbands wanted and what she said her husband answered.
  • The second story, the second example is mine:


In 1992, my mother came to visit me from Hungary. One night I took her to see the New York skyline from the other side of the Hudson... The Palisades, spectacular view.

In the darkness of the car, she asked in a small voice: Was I a terrible mother?

I didn"t expect this question. I didn"t answer for a long time... I was too busy remembering all the horrible things she did to me growing up. But then generosity and compassion won out, and I said to her:

You were the perfect mother to me, because, you see, I turned out... And I am OK.

I put a smile on my mother"s face for the rest of her life. She died shortly after her visit.

I had learned from one of my mentors, that parents want one thing from their children: to make it.


It is really the Selfish Gene that wants that. That is the parent"s number one concern.

My parents weren"t interested in my grades, they weren"t interested in me winning competitions, or anything I did. They worried about my self-destructive behavior... that could have gotten me killed, gotten me jailed, or maimed me.

And as it turned out, my mother was also interested in me doing the dishes from time to time... more than I was already doing it.

That"s it.

All your imagined requirements from others, the way you imagine they expect you to be, are YOURS.


All of them increasing your about-me score, crippling you, rendering you unhappy with yourself because you are not fulfilling their expectations you made up that they had.

When I look at Pinterest: I see women clipping recipes they will never cook... buying clothes, shoes, that only THEY care about, pretending that they want to be pretty for their significant other... but it is a lie.

Cooking one hot meal a week, even if it is the same recipe every week, paying attention to the other, allowing them to speak without interruption is a lot more than any woman nowadays give their husbands.

What husbands don"t give? I am not sure. Maybe pitching in to do chores, picking up the child occasionally from school so your wife can be on a whole webinar they paid to attend? I have very few married students, which doesn"t surprise me.

One of my students, still lives at home, and he reports to me. proudly, every time he does a chore, or helps his mother in any way. It feels like a slap in the face to me.

I live in a big apartment, and I have fantasized about renting one of my rooms in exchange for chores... but I am realizing that people value their time, even if it is browsing Pinterest, higher than doing what would make their lives better, or their housemate"s life better...

We live in a time where it is all about you... Even if that attitude renders you stupid, ignorant, and inconsiderate.

So do I want more visitors from Pinterest? Hell no. Do I want more visitors from Facebook? Hell no. Same thing, different site.

Who I want are people who know that they have everything to do with their own unhappiness, depression, or lack of health. And they are willing to do what they need to do to change that...


Without jumping from this cheap-closure-now, to that cheap-closure-now fixing type of behavior. Choosing a method, choosing a mentor, and stick with it until it all turns out.

OK, so that is what I want.

But what do people say they want who would be willing to choose with one method and stick with it?

You see, as long as they use Pinterest, Facebook, and short articles, and other drugs, they either don"t know what they want, or they hope that those hours, weeks, months, years, will take them where they want to be, happiness, peace of mind, vitality... without them needing to apply themselves...

Every year you spend in that hope makes your brain atrophy more... No kidding.

Saturday, November 17, 2018

Soaring together... a dream that was NEVER going to come true, just has

I am having second thoughts about sharing this information, because Stendahl said about love... and the fragility of the salt crystals of love... ((4. Love is born.

To love--that is to have pleasure in seeing, touching, feeling, through all the senses and as near as possible, an object to be loved and that loves us.

5. The first crystallisation begins.

The lover delights in decking with a thousand perfections the woman of whose love he is sure: he dwells on all the details of his happiness with a satisfaction that is boundless. He is simply magnifying a superb bounty just fallen to him from heaven,--he has no knowledge of it but the assurance of its possession.

Leave the mind of a lover to its natural movements for twenty-four hours, and this is what you will find.

At the salt mines of Salzburg a branch stripped of its leaves by winter is thrown into the abandoned depths of the mine; taken out two or three months later it is covered with brilliant crystals; the smallest twigs, those no stouter than the leg of a sparrow, are arrayed with an infinity of sparkling, dazzling diamonds; it is impossible to recognise the original branch.

I call crystallisation the operation of the mind which, from everything which is presented to it, draws the conclusion that there are new perfections in the object of its love.

A traveller speaks of the freshness of the orange groves at Genoa, on the sea coast, during the scorching days of summer.--What pleasure to enjoy that freshness with her!

Like Stendahl, I never had the good/bad fortune before to have personal feelings for anyone... except for yearning... that others call love, but I just call yearning... bad as it is.))

I made a dietary mistake on Monday. You know, the kind your voices scream in your head: "you only live once"... or maybe the way Madame de Pompadour said, lover of the French king Louis XV "Après moi, le deluge!" After me the flood... sloppy translation but you can get the gist... f*** it, I want to do what I want to do even if it destroys the earth... or my health."

Anyway, the same mistake at age younger than mine may not be a big deal, but being a fragile 71, it nearly killed me.

My eating style... the "how" and "when" of eating that in my experience is more important, and harder to keep than the what... is being a separator, or the new word for it: Alternating.

The food I ate had three problems:

  • 1. it was a stew type of food, with many ingredients... not allowed for Alternating eating type, who are only allowed one real ingredient in a meal. I ate chili with beans

  • 2. it was too much. The rule of thumb is to eat one fistful of solids, one fistful of liquid in a meal. I doubled that...

  • 3. my allowed foods list doesn"t include kidney beans: kidney beans have a toxin in them... and in quantity they can make you really sick...


So I have been spending a lot of time in bed since Monday... and sleeping 10-12 hours. My guts hurt like I have been skinned inside.

And yet, today, it"s Saturday, I woke up happy, and energized, with a newfound hope.

How does the spirit know what the new day will bring, I wonder.

But it did know...

Today is a red-letter day. I experience, for the first time in life, the magic and synergy of partnership.


I first learned about partnership (the field) in Landmark Education"s Partnership Course...

But I had been fantasizing, dreaming about it forever... I called it "soaring together" and I looked at every man I encountered from the vantage point: could we be soaring together?

I am old, and I am not interested in men any more. But I am still interested in partnership, the experience.

The Partnership Explorations Course is a year long program, and the tuition is $3700. Add to it the six times flying to Los Angeles, hotel and eating in expensive hotel restaurants, and your cost is at least double of the tuition.

Was it worth it? Maybe. Until today I wasn"t sure... but if you ask me now: hell yeah!

OK, let me explain:

I am a coach. I have been practicing and getting better at providing one side of partnership.

Partnership has two sides, and one side is not a partnership maker... ugh.


Here are the lines, straight from my Partnership Exploration Course I memorized.

The I is the one providing partnership, the you is the other person, in my case the person I am coaching:
  1. You live in a world of your own design

  2. I am empowered by everything you do and say

  3. I am for your empowerment

  4. And I am empowered by that


If this makes no sense to you, you are not alone.

99 of a 100 Partnership Exploration participants feel like you do.

But it clicked for me right away... Although that clicking wasn"t enough for me to "BE" partnership, or to create partnership, the experience.

I did the course 15 years ago... and it was my second time around... First time I did it in 1997.

OK, what happens if you bring those four lines above into every interaction you have with the client, or even when they are not present?


You can have compassion for them, and be empowered by the relationship, even though it is mostly defined by the client.

Here are some sample attitudes clients have:
  • Do it for me... I"ll do nothing

  • I will resist you, let"s see what can you do?

  • I am going to get my money"s worth

  • I will never thank you... it is all my doing, not yours


I have been providing partnership, those four sentences above, for years now... to wholly unsatisfying return on investment...

Until now...

One of my students has completely surrendered to a "we", instead of pursuing a "me" and "you" stance...


Now, why is this so revolutionary, that I HAD TO come and shout out for the whole world to hear?

Other than it feeling great, chasing away the ever present "I am alone" feeling everyone has even if they are in a relationship...

Partnership allows for results impossible in any other circumstance in life. In my case, unprecedented, previously impossible result.


What stands in your way?
  • Surrendering to anything needs you to have a strong sense of Self... or you are afraid that you"ll disappear, eaten up, die.

  • It also needs you a level of caring that is practically impossible under the vibrational level of 200

  • But even if your vibration is 200, if you live in the world of "either you or me", or zero sum games, you won"t be willing to surrender. Even if it means that you"ll tenfold, hundredfold your own benefit. You want it all... you don"t want anyone else to win.


Because if someone else benefits as well... game is off for you.

What does this say about you? Nothing nice, I hope you get that.

I have students and clients who are even unwilling to thank me for my sizeable and unpaid contribution to them.


It"s actually predictable when I look at their numbers in the Starting Point Measurements. So I should not be surprised, should not feel hurt, but I still do... for a moment. Then return to "You live in a world of your own design..." and then I am OK.

So what was the unprecedented result, you ask.

I suddenly saw what it is I can do to integrate the Starting Point Measurements with my other programs, courses, workshops, and coaching... in a clear, visible way, useful way... So instead of the numbers in the Starting Point Measurements only to satisfy your curiosity, or bum you out... you can use the integration tools I am now ready to create, so you can follow a path to raise your vibration, to get more out of life, in health, finances, relationships, and fulfillment... if you are so inclined. A curriculum to follow.

And that is a huge breakthrough for me, and can be a huge breakthrough for you if you choose to take advantage of it. Being able to see the light at the end of the tunnel... be energized by it... so you can stay with it till the end, or whatever milestone you choose.

Want to give it a whirl? I have to warn you... it is a work in progress

here is the offer... but you can get it only in my email sending you your starting point measurements

Soaring together... a dream that was NEVER going to come true, just has

I am having second thoughts about sharing this information, because Stendahl said about love... and the fragility of the salt crystals of love... ((4. Love is born.

To love--that is to have pleasure in seeing, touching, feeling, through all the senses and as near as possible, an object to be loved and that loves us.

5. The first crystallisation begins.

The lover delights in decking with a thousand perfections the woman of whose love he is sure: he dwells on all the details of his happiness with a satisfaction that is boundless. He is simply magnifying a superb bounty just fallen to him from heaven,--he has no knowledge of it but the assurance of its possession.

Leave the mind of a lover to its natural movements for twenty-four hours, and this is what you will find.

At the salt mines of Salzburg a branch stripped of its leaves by winter is thrown into the abandoned depths of the mine; taken out two or three months later it is covered with brilliant crystals; the smallest twigs, those no stouter than the leg of a sparrow, are arrayed with an infinity of sparkling, dazzling diamonds; it is impossible to recognise the original branch.

I call crystallisation the operation of the mind which, from everything which is presented to it, draws the conclusion that there are new perfections in the object of its love.

A traveller speaks of the freshness of the orange groves at Genoa, on the sea coast, during the scorching days of summer.--What pleasure to enjoy that freshness with her!

Like Stendahl, I never had the good/bad fortune before to have personal feelings for anyone... except for yearning... that others call love, but I just call yearning... bad as it is.))

I made a dietary mistake on Monday. You know, the kind your voices scream in your head: "you only live once"... or maybe the way Madame de Pompadour said, lover of the French king Louis XV "Après moi, le deluge!" After me the flood... sloppy translation but you can get the gist... f*** it, I want to do what I want to do even if it destroys the earth... or my health."

Anyway, the same mistake at age younger than mine may not be a big deal, but being a fragile 71, it nearly killed me.

My eating style... the "how" and "when" of eating that in my experience is more important, and harder to keep than the what... is being a separator, or the new word for it: Alternating.

The food I ate had three problems:

  • 1. it was a stew type of food, with many ingredients... not allowed for Alternating eating type, who are only allowed one real ingredient in a meal. I ate chili with beans

  • 2. it was too much. The rule of thumb is to eat one fistful of solids, one fistful of liquid in a meal. I doubled that...

  • 3. my allowed foods list doesn"t include kidney beans: kidney beans have a toxin in them... and in quantity they can make you really sick...


So I have been spending a lot of time in bed since Monday... and sleeping 10-12 hours. My guts hurt like I have been skinned inside.

And yet, today, it"s Saturday, I woke up happy, and energized, with a newfound hope.

How does the spirit know what the new day will bring, I wonder.

But it did know...

Today is a red-letter day. I experience, for the first time in life, the magic and synergy of partnership.


I first learned about partnership (the field) in Landmark Education"s Partnership Course...

But I had been fantasizing, dreaming about it forever... I called it "soaring together" and I looked at every man I encountered from the vantage point: could we be soaring together?

I am old, and I am not interested in men any more. But I am still interested in partnership, the experience.

The Partnership Explorations Course is a year long program, and the tuition is $3700. Add to it the six times flying to Los Angeles, hotel and eating in expensive hotel restaurants, and your cost is at least double of the tuition.

Was it worth it? Maybe. Until today I wasn"t sure... but if you ask me now: hell yeah!

OK, let me explain:

I am a coach. I have been practicing and getting better at providing one side of partnership.

Partnership has two sides, and one side is not a partnership maker... ugh.


Here are the lines, straight from my Partnership Exploration Course I memorized.

The I is the one providing partnership, the you is the other person, in my case the person I am coaching:
  1. You live in a world of your own design

  2. I am empowered by everything you do and say

  3. I am for your empowerment

  4. And I am empowered by that


If this makes no sense to you, you are not alone.

99 of a 100 Partnership Exploration participants feel like you do.

But it clicked for me right away... Although that clicking wasn"t enough for me to "BE" partnership, or to create partnership, the experience.

I did the course 15 years ago... and it was my second time around... First time I did it in 1997.

OK, what happens if you bring those four lines above into every interaction you have with the client, or even when they are not present?


You can have compassion for them, and be empowered by the relationship, even though it is mostly defined by the client.

Here are some sample attitudes clients have:
  • Do it for me... I"ll do nothing

  • I will resist you, let"s see what can you do?

  • I am going to get my money"s worth

  • I will never thank you... it is all my doing, not yours


I have been providing partnership, those four sentences above, for years now... to wholly unsatisfying return on investment...

Until now...

One of my students has completely surrendered to a "we", instead of pursuing a "me" and "you" stance...


Now, why is this so revolutionary, that I HAD TO come and shout out for the whole world to hear?

Other than it feeling great, chasing away the ever present "I am alone" feeling everyone has even if they are in a relationship...

Partnership allows for results impossible in any other circumstance in life. In my case, unprecedented, previously impossible result.


What stands in your way?
  • Surrendering to anything needs you to have a strong sense of Self... or you are afraid that you"ll disappear, eaten up, die.

  • It also needs you a level of caring that is practically impossible under the vibrational level of 200

  • But even if your vibration is 200, if you live in the world of "either you or me", or zero sum games, you won"t be willing to surrender. Even if it means that you"ll tenfold, hundredfold your own benefit. You want it all... you don"t want anyone else to win.


Because if someone else benefits as well... game is off for you.

What does this say about you? Nothing nice, I hope you get that.

I have students and clients who are even unwilling to thank me for my sizeable and unpaid contribution to them.


It"s actually predictable when I look at their numbers in the Starting Point Measurements. So I should not be surprised, should not feel hurt, but I still do... for a moment. Then return to "You live in a world of your own design..." and then I am OK.

So what was the unprecedented result, you ask.

I suddenly saw what it is I can do to integrate the Starting Point Measurements with my other programs, courses, workshops, and coaching... in a clear, visible way, useful way... So instead of the numbers in the Starting Point Measurements only to satisfy your curiosity, or bum you out... you can use the integration tools I am now ready to create, so you can follow a path to raise your vibration, to get more out of life, in health, finances, relationships, and fulfillment... if you are so inclined. A curriculum to follow.

And that is a huge breakthrough for me, and can be a huge breakthrough for you if you choose to take advantage of it. Being able to see the light at the end of the tunnel... be energized by it... so you can stay with it till the end, or whatever milestone you choose.

Want to give it a whirl? I have to warn you... it is a work in progress

here is the offer... but you can get it only in my email sending you your starting point measurements

Friday, November 16, 2018

Alive Inside

I have been going to Senior exercise classes for two years now, and my life has a high point every week: the exercise class.

I just watched a documentary and I found out why. The documentary is introducing music through personal headphones and ipods to people with Alzheimer"s and dementia, showing that they come alive, and their memories, at least temporarily, return, and with it their sense of being a person, and joy.

I live in silence... and dance at the exercise class. I don"t have a radio, don"t have a TV, so I don"t listen to music, but when I accidentally do... I party. I celebrate... OK, too much information? ok... I shut up.

Explained... the only path to happiness is...

Explained: That is the name of one of my favorite shows on Netflix.

We all walk around with some approximate knowledge of things... we know absolutely nothing exactly, deeply. At best we remember what we read, heard, but that is second hand knowledge. In a world where PhD"s have 7-10% truth value, second hand knowledge is virtually worthless. Even if you had the ability to repeat word for word what they said, your knowledge would be still just 7-10% truth value... sound dismal, doesn"t it?

So we are bumbling idiots in a world that is too big and too complicated, and unpredictable, and fuzzy for our taste... and we bang ourselves up, repeatedly, for no other reason than that we didn"t know.

I have conversations with people. Some are paid, some are not... both kinds serve something I need: feedback.

I need to know how much of what I said gets through, unchanged, to the other person.

Most of my students are average intelligence or slightly above. And I have one student who is above average... and yet is an underachiever.

My interactions with him have lead to the biggest breakthrough I have had in the past 10 years... the biggest and potentially the biggest bang for the buck result for people... to change them from bumbling idiots to, comparatively, geniuses. Comparatively.

Let me explain: Your native intelligence is X... your brain, an inherited feature, can do certain things.

Depending on your education, and depending on your Starting Point Measurements, you can express all of the X in life, and shine. Or express a fragment of it, and be an underachiever.

It is human nature to fancy yourself smarter than you are. When asked, every person says that they are better than average in intelligence, in looks, in performance. Obviously this cannot be true, and it isn"t.
  • I have students who are underachievers.

  • I have students who perform at their native intelligence, but want more.

  • and I have students who perform way way way above their native intelligence.


This last is the result of the amount of time they have spent with me... being trained.

Through my interactions with my one above average student I have learned what prevents people from fully expressing their intelligence, in life, in their work, and their enjoyment of their life.

Because don"t be mistaken: if Life wants you to be all you can be, and it does, then being an underachiever surely leads to a life of unhappiness.

There is no possible happiness on the first four levels of Maslow hierarchy of needs.

Maslow said, 100% truth value statement:

 
What a man can be, he must be. This need we may call self-actualization. This term refers to the desire for self-fulfillment, namely, to the tendency for him to become actualized in what he is potentially.

Which means that all that talk about the pursuit of happiness in the United States constitution means that you have the right to grow yourself, to become all you can be.

So how do you do that?

With all things being equal, your job is to build a knowledge base, a network of knowledge, preferably when you are young and in mandatory school... and then, on that network build the skills and the knowledge that it takes to do what you are uniquely qualified to do in life, and do it well.

Again from Maslow:
A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write, if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself

Being at peace with oneself is the ultimate way to express what happiness is. No peace with oneself... no happiness.

How I teach this is like this: You have two selves living in you. One self is your actual self, the one that is expressed in the world. The other is your potential self... who, lacking better tools, tries to move the other self, nudge it, and ultimately disappointed, and maybe even hateful towards the other self.

You know about these selves and their relationship through your self-talk...

The better the relationship of these two selves, the more harmony there is, the more you love yourself, and the more you love your life. And when you love your life... you are happy.

Nothing outside, nothing possessed, no success, no wealth can make you happy... happy is an internal affair, between you and you.

And we call it integrity.

The highest level of integrity I have measured from visitors of this site was 10%. 90% unhappy... that is what that means.

 The normal is worse.

You start experience happiness above 30%, and it may be everywhere, or in your work, of in your health...

My integrity measure is 70%. I am at peace with myself most of the day, every day... but then, from time to time, I do something that destroys my peace, my health, my business, and then I am utterly unhappy for a few days, maybe even a week. It"s a personal style...

How I get out of the valley of the shadow of death, the unhappy week, is working my a** off... and having breakthroughs for my clients and students... for humanity. I guess the gap between the two selves result in bigger motivation in time of unhappiness... for me.

For you too, but you don"t heed the call.

As Tony Robbins says: when you succeed, you celebrate, when you fail you ponder.

OK... all that said, let" me explain the breakthrough I had during this past week of unhappiness:

For a breakthrough you need to be able to connect the dots, sometimes in areas far in time or in space. See the sameness, see the principle, and connect them.

I had already seen, that when someone has a high about-me score, they will translate/transcribe what they here to their own language. It is an unconscious behavior.

I noticed that mostly with private clients.

Then when I broke my wrist and I "wrote" my articles with my voice (podcasts) on of my students volunteered to transcribe them for me.

Once I received, I checked them for accuracy, and pecking out the corrections on the keyboard with one hand... emphasizing the mismatch further in my mind.

This particular student rewrote my words with his, maybe better English, maybe easier words, but not what I said. Not by far.

My vocabulary is designed to cause insight, transformation, clarity, not to be smooth and easy to follow. Easy is a codeword for "causing nothing".

This went on for a while... unchanged.

Then I asked another student to do some trial runs of a presentation on the Feelings book... and noticed the same thing: the words of the book were rewritten by the student.

Margoczi, the author, is an engineer. He calls things precisely... I will say not word can be changed in that book, if you want to retain its impact, which is tremendous. Tremendous contribution to our self-knowledge.

Then I gave precise instructions to my two accountability students to follow on reducing the tyranny of the high about-me score.

One of those two students followed the instructions, the other followed it for about a minute, and then switched back to his normal talking and praising himself mode.

And yet that minute was so potent, that his numbers changed dramatically.

Holy cow...

So what were the instructions?

Take your eyes of yourself, and acknowledge the source of your results.

I have been living like that for some 20 years, maybe more, so I knew what I did is not what I need to acknowledge... it is a given, and doesn"t belong to this acknowledgment.

Here is an example: I have high cell-hydration, so I am coherent, calm and collected.

What or who am I going to acknowledge so I can get a mindset benefit and power from the acknowledgement?

I could say: I acknowledge myself for charging my water. I acknowledge myself for drinking that water... It is a typical Meh moment... Of course... of course you had to do all that.

But what and who are you acknowledge that takes you out of your self-importance?

Of course, for most of you, this question is going bring up a blank page: nothing and no one.

But who could you acknowledged? What could you acknowledge? What needed to be there that you can even have energized water?

You could acknowledge Source for giving us the Energizer energy.
You could acknowledge me, Sophie, for sharing it with you
You could also acknowledge me for giving of my time to check your water, whether the water is good to energize, whether it is fully energized... for charging you nothing.

Most people with a very high about-me score live in absolute scarcity, and would abhor giving credit to anyone other than themselves...

But if you can force the words out of your mouth, and actually acknowledge the source of the power, you"ll start on your way to lowering your about-me score, and allowing knowledge to get through to you.

And this is the second part of this about-me score breakthrough:

As long as your about-me score is high, new knowledge cannot reach you. You cannot see wide and deep, you cannot connect the dots. And without that you cannot self-actualize... and cannot be happy.

Hundreds of thousands of people bought the 67 steps program. A handful of people benefited. About 1%.

Why? because the "normal" way of hearing the steps is to translate the words to your own words, and then the words lose their power.

If you are monitored, guided by a coach, like in my Reclaim coaching, you are warned every time you do that, so it is not just your better self, but me as well are trying to push you towards hearing what is being said.

Same with my courses.

The reason the Playground is a year long is because it takes time to correct your misunderstanding, misrepresentation, your high about-me score. ((This picture shows what happens when you have a high about-me score. You see yourself, as in a mirror, and only in the corners you see some background... hardly any.

Or as in the cat picture... none. so you rely on your feelings about your intelligence, etc. and not on reality... All of those evaluative scores are the results of comparison... I compare you to 100%, you can compare yourself to people you know...))

I have many students. Two of them are able to acknowledge me, the rest can"t and won"t.

Not surprisingly they are my "star" students, and their about-me score is low.

Back in April I had a free workshop with four participants.

In the end I recommended that they all take on a new self: becoming a value recognizer.

All four failed. Miserably.

One since has lowered his about-me score and is seeing value where he used to see none. If everything has value, some value, he can now see 20% of all value. In his activity, in himself, in his children, in his wife, in his work, in his work with me, in his activities, in me. 20% And he now has the power to acknowledge the value he sees, without feeling that he is slighting himself.

The other student, a woman, started years earlier, and is way ahead of the pack. She has been studying with me for five and a half years. She is a lot happier now than when she started, a lot more accomplished, and, of course, she is more than ready to acknowledge the source of it.

She sees 30% of all the value that can be seen. ((This is an oldie but goody... the Validation movie

http://evp-50116959de4b9-dd521b5ed563ee25508422182c681a30.s3.amazonaws.com/Validation.mp4

))

Seeing value is both the cause and the result of the work we did...


She has taken herself almost completely out of her view of life... and that is the ultimate source of her new life.

So how did she actually do it?


Simple, really.
  • She looked to acknowledge the source of her power, every step of the way.

  • She learned that context is decisive... And then she practiced that, and thus acknowledge its source, and acknowledge it as source.

  • She got in touch when it was hard... and we constructed a new context inside which everything changed... Without that she would have quit her massage school, and would not have a thriving business today.

  • She used me the best way she could: as a force to push her back on the strait and narrow... so she can keep growing, and become fully self-actualized.


Simple, really. Easy? No. Your ego, your scarcity thinking, your high about-me will not allow you to do any of the things she did, or not consistently.

You"ll remain unhappy and unfulfilled. Guaranteed...

If you are looking for something to start with, make it a daily practice to acknowledge something or someone... NOT YOURSELF!


And here is a delightful exercise:

ask people in your life what they want to be acknowledge for. Be willing to be surprised. When they tell you, say back the exact words and phrases they said... And you"ll make their day.

If you want to test this before you immerse, email me your answer to this question: what do you want to be acknowledged for? I"ll make sure to acknowledge you for that.

And watch your experience as you read my answer.

PS: here is a TEDx talk on acknowledgment
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O4Og5tFNiaU

Thursday, November 15, 2018

What is the 91% linchpin that keeps your foot nailed to the floor? Can you guess?

My job is a lot like tuning a car... but a car that has 160 adjustable parts... like a human... not so easy...

I love the joke about the guy who brings his car to the mechanic because it doesn"t work properly. The mechanic opens the hood, listens to the motor running, goes to his toolbox, picks out a big hammer and hits the motor, and voila the noise stops.

Then he writes a bill for $500. 500 dollars? cries the customer? for one hit with the hammer? Oh, you want an itemized bill? No problem. says the mechanic, and writes: hit with a hammer: $1. Knowing where to hit: $499.

I am that mechanic.

All the problems are invisible to the naked eye, maybe even to an X-ray machine! So it"s taken me seven years to learn where to hit... $1... learning it, a lifetime of experience and expensive learning: $499.

The sticky part




The sticky part for 91% of all the issues is the about you measure, #11 in the Starting Point Measurements. ((Tai, who actually created the 67 steps cannot see the principle himself, because of his high "about me" score... that is why he is all over the place... entertaining but ineffective for most people...))

This is why?

Depending on that number, a large part of your cone of vision is occupied by you, yourself, so you can see mighty little of reality, mighty little of what is happening in the real world, for other people on whom your well-being depends, so you are simple rendered blind or sight-impaired, while you think you see everything.

One of the areas this shows up in is a fundamental human need: meeting the expectations of others. If you get that wrong, your life will be bad.

But...


But you are never told by other people what they expect of you, or rarely.

I asked five women on a recent Playground session if they ever told their children what you expect of them... and there was a unanimous "no, never" answer.

Then I asked if their parents ever told them what they expected of them: the same no answer.

So your children, you, are left to your own devices, watch for signs of approval and disapproval, largely oblivious that they may be having an upset stomach, or just remembered an argument, and the facial expression has nothing to do with you. Or the yelling, or sending you off to your grandmother... threatening you, or leaving you to sort it out in the street.

And then you live your life out of the wrong signals, desperately hoping that they won"t ostracize you, won"t abandon you, won"t throw you in the lion"s den.

This concern blocks your view of reality, and have one foot nailed to the floorboard... so you are screwed royally.


When people come to me to be trained, the first thing I notice is that they can"t tell, can"t recognize a principle, tell it apart from b.s. or some made up meme.
If you can"t see/hear the context, the principle, your vibration cannot be high, because you are interfacing with untruth, and your actions, and what you see will be limited to what you can see from a low vibration level in life.

I have a student who is always in self-protection mode, self-importance mode, so his vibration has been 100... very very very low.

Then I asked him to switch where he looks:
with regards to your father: before you talk to anyone, you ALWAYS have to set the context carefully… weighing what context will support the other person, not you.

You have been only considering context for yourself, and haven"t considered it for another: now your full time job is to consider the context for others, and if you didn"t, see what damage it"s caused.

and in another post I said:
And one thing: make sure you acknowledge the source of your knowledge, power, instead of saying: I did it myself, make sure that there is more from the knowledge/power came from and it won"t stop.

A lot of people don"t acknowledge source, and the real source of power dries out… it has happened to me, and I have seen it happen a lot.

both quotes say: look at somewhere other than where you normally look, yourself.

he reported a day later:
I"d like to acknowledge source: it wouldn"t have happened without Sophie"s recommendations and my talking to my accountability partner, or if I didn"t put some energy into it every day. Also, I wouldn"t have seen this if I didn"t look at the comments and struggle to get the answer to one of the questions there.

If you read his answer carefully, keeping the principle I gave him in mind, he gave about 30% credit to me and his accountability partner, and 70% to himself, so he didn"t do much of what I asked... he didn"t quite get the principle as a principle, he still had himself occupy almost his entire cone of vision (70%).

And yet, that little still quite stingy bit he was willing to give, raised his vibration from 100 to 130... and that level is still holding, just checked. And his about me measure dropped to 40%.

Obviously it is still high...

Truth be told nothing is about you in life. No one cares, no one even notices you are there... The number should be under 10%. Mine is 4%.


So there you have it. I now know, and you can know too, I just told you, where to hit with the hammer... so your life can start humming with life... instead of noise.

The exercises I give you remove the concern, remove the nail from your foot, and you can be up and running, dancing away... experiencing life, choice, and freedom.

No other methodology can do this... and, of course, that other type of methodology is all you can find. Change beliefs... type of stuff... not worth the price of the paper it is written on.

“People don"t care how much you know until they know how much you care”

...poet and filmmaker Jean Cocteau said.
  • 1. "There are truths that you can only say after having won the right to say them."

  • 2. "True realism consists in revealing the surprising things that habit keeps covered and prevents us from seeing."

  • 3. "What the public criticizes in you, cultivate. It is you."

  • 4. "You should always talk well about yourself! The word spreads around, and in the end, no one remembers where it started."

  • 5. "We shelter an angel within us. We must be the guardians of that angel.

IF THE ANGEL DECIDES TO COME . . .

"If the Angel decides to come it will be because you have convinced her, not by tears, but by your humble resolve to be always beginning; to be a beginner." ~ Rainer Maria Rilke

I sound like a broken record... but I must share when I can see more of what I need to see to train you to raise your vibration.

I have been seeing (concluding) that there may be a linchpin type of lock, measured in your starting point measurements... #11. To what degree you think of yourself:

In addition to it being your reverse humility number, it is also the reverse number of how much of the world, reality, you can see from a different vantage point.

Let me explain why and how this humility thing works:

When you have a fixed point from viewing the world, and the center of that world is you, you occupy that picture, or really most of it, and everything shows up as related to you, about you, relevant... or not to you.

I"ll bring up Tai Lopez again: everything, every picture he sees in his head is occupied, 50% with his picture, what he wants, what he is afraid of, what other people will say about him.

He has a positive self-image, so he is going to see, exclusively, in everything, his self-interest. No altruistic motive can find its way into this picture, unless it is suggested by the Selfish Gene: you"ll get more out of it in the end than your due...

That selfish and stingy view of the world keeps Tai"s vibration at 170, and his two selves not happy with each other (3% integrity, also the measure to what degree he is fulfilling the Life Force"s expectations of him)... so he is not happy, as a person.

He is an alpha male... stomps like an alpha male... and the world is not better off because he is here.

If you want to be like him, my programs are not good for you: I am not interested in creating more unhappy, stomping, alpha males.

Now, how is that not humility?

We call humility a state where your self-importance is low, and where you can get curious of learning things you may not need, growing as a person, serving others, for others" sake. Where you don"t occupy almost the all picture when you look at the world, other people, where you can actually see them and their needs.

Humility allows you to want to learn for learning"s sake, grow for growing"s sake.

The one level higher in the direction of becoming a human being is being able to see the consequences of your actions, especially the consequences you create for other people, in other people.

Until you get to this level, you don"t commit crime, big or small, only because of morality, only because of the laws... or because you are already dead... so why bother...

On this letter you can see what your actions create for another... pain, suffering, a break in their world.

At the present time there is not one person on the planet who is on that level... I am working really hard to spring roots... my frequent visits there don"t qualify me to be there.

As I have shared before, my biggest pain with myself has been my lack of kindness.

This morning I had the insight that kindness is a spiritual capacity.

What you call kindness isn"t. It"s not even in the neighborhood.

What you call kindness is kind words, an affect, but not a spiritual capacity.

In the story, in the documentary about Rajneeshpuram and about Osho and his Sheela. Sheela did exactly what Osho asked her to do, but when it came to the scandal, he abandoned his position, and piled all the guilt on Sheela... in total disregard to her feelings. No kindness, no regard, no spiritual capacity.

I saw myself in Osho, in his "I don"t care about your feelings" attitude, and cringed.

I think this marked a turning point for me: ever since every book I read, every movie I watched was about learning how your actions cause pain, grief for another.

I have been training myself to see.

Sometimes it is not easy to see it.

This morning I rewatched, in my head, one of the most memorable episodes of Luther, where a fired taxi driver becomes a serial killer.

He gets fired. He find no sympathy with his wife. He becomes impotent. His wife relates to him with disgust. He even takes a lover. He is hurt, his sanity is shaky already. He needs to feel like a person, so he starts killing young girls... then kills his wife"s lover.

This morning, in my head, I was able to see that first being fired, then being dissed by the wife... how it broke the man"s fragile sanity, his selfhood.

And how, when the wife finally kills him, shows that she never takes ownership of this fact, that she was a cocreator of that.

I listened to an hour long audio with Tony Robbins yesterday, where he says: when you fail you ponder... Pondering is the activity where you get out of your own way and look at what happened from many vantage points, so you can learn.

Human vantage point is, on the level of human, carries the "I" with it wherever it places the vantage point: in certain contexts we call that anthropomorphic view, but in others we could call it the "it is still about me" view.

When your "about me" score is very high, it is very hard to understand anything, because other people speak from their "about me" place, which is an alien territory.

So when your "about me" score is high, you have to translate what you hear to your vantage point, with is own words, and you never get what the other person said, let it be article, speech, book...

I have been endeavoring to teach people to see things from a view that doesn"t include them, unsuccessfully.

Imagining how what YOU say lands carries all the hallmarks of what"s important to you: survival, so it is always off.

I have students who are hellbent at "meeting other people"s expectations" unsuccessfully, and use it, unwittingly, to paralyze themselves.

What you think is important for another person, looking/thinking from behind YOUR eyeballs isn"t... and these people often get beaten up, left by their spouses, or have a really unfulfilling relationship both with themselves and with their environment.

I have found that listening to another person, watching them to find out how your actions/words land, is mandatory, if you want to be able to meet their expectations of you, and, just as important, be able to meet Life Force"s expectation of you... also called by Margoczi (Feelings book) meeting your own expectations of yourself.

All in all, my number one task with you is to lower your "about me" score, so you can finally see more, understand more, learn more, and start growing and start liking yourself.

Honestly, if it worked that I don"t care about you, I wouldn"t mind... Caring slows things down... caring seems like losing focus...

But it turns out that unless I care about you, you can"t hear me, unless I care about you you don"t care about you either.


So I have learned to care about you, I am learning to be kind, and I am hoping that on this foundation it will be easier for you to leave the comfortable confines of "it"s all about me" and risk having less self-protection, so you can start becoming happier.

Is your life, the way you make your money, your living arrangement a good match for you?

I wrote this article seven months ago... and some of the emails I get tell me that people what to stay the same, do different without changing, changing themselves, or changing anything about themselves.

It is not going to work.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news... but someone has to tell you... reading a book, even taking a course won"t change you... and therefore won"t change anything...

At the end of this article I"ll share one thing that happened in the last day or two, that changed a long time student of mine, at least temporarily... read on...

As I am working on BecomeAnIdeaMachine, this is my second day of this spiritual practice, I notice that I am already looking wider than yesterday.

I am not feeling well, the psychic attack is strong, so I am a tad more intolerant than my usual self.

Intolerance normally manifest in me in distaste...

I thought I"ll check out Bosch, the televised version of my favorite detective... I closed it after two minutes.

But I had an insight that can be really significant for all of us, so let me put it into words here.

Ever since they put out the pilot of the Bosch series, I have seen how important the role of the person who casts the actors in the success of a film or a series.

Titus Welliver is miscast. He may be a good actor, but he is not suitable to the role of spiritual, brooding, internally driven detective of Michael Connelly"s books, one of my heroes. The yelling, tense Welliver is a different person... and therefore the show is different... I can"t tolerate watching it.

I just finished watching Wallinger, the BBC series. And although I can"t stand the sight of Kenneth Branagh, he is a near perfect match for that brooding detective.

I watched a little bit of Howard"s End, the 1992 movie with Emma Thompson, my favorite actress.

I observed that she is, as far as I can tell, is casted in characters that are sunshiny in spite of circumstances. Has that frown and smile combination... Imagine her cast in a job that needs her to be violent... no match.

I also notice that Oscar winning actresses share this sunshine in their character... more often than not.

Now, this article is about casting, by casting you, casting yourself.


You have roles in life, and you are either well casted or you suffer.

I was a poor fit for architect: I like thinking, I like talking. Neither of these is needed or valued in an architect. In my brief stint as an employee of the City of Jerusalem, talking was my job... until the end, when they discovered that I can design. I hated that part... and promptly escaped it.

I moved in with guys (two in my lifetime) and I was ill-fitted to be a live-in girl friend... I hated it, and was very unhappy.
Your job and your living arrangements influence the quality of your life the most.

Unless you know what life-style fits you most, your life can, at best, be mediocre, but more likely it will be fighting unhappiness.

I am happiest living alone, see no one, talk to a few people I choose to talk to, and go to one, maybe two fun classes where I am visible, seen, liked, and am allowed to express my clown outrageous self.

If I can"t have this, I am unhappy... I have "my spine shrivel on me" for not enough strokes.
It is my responsibility to know myself, know my needs, and arrange my life so I can have what I need.

I still experiment every week... a little more on this, a little too much of that. Experimentation should never stop... life can change on you, and then you want to have options you have already discovered.

Some of my students suffer in environments that don"t allow them to be true to themselves.

Some of those environments could work, but the person needs to make minor changes.

For example the student who is getting really good, who is showing talent in the idea list arena: it is possible that the barrier for full self-expression was inner, not outer. Memes are inner... rules you adapted as yours.

Others are tightly controlled by a poorly matched spouse. Or are unwilling (afraid) to create the work they would be uniquely suited for.

I also have some people who want what I have to offer, but our styles don"t mesh.

There is only so much room for requests and promises in any relationship. You can ask me stuff, but if it is completely out of character for me, I may hate working with you.

If you want me to manage our relationship: I don"t want to. I need you to be self-starter. I am not good at self-starting: when I have a coach, it is the hardest element for me... to be the idea-starter.

Maybe this is why I am so excited about this new spiritual practice where I have to come up with ten ideas a day.

I find that it"s easiest for me if the ideas have nothing to do with me. Then at least one element is familiar: I am in service of another, or a purpose outside of myself.

So I am working up a list of 10 marketing ideas for one of my students. I can see wider, be more creative, than with my own marketing... Then I can just borrow some of the ideas...

Win-win-win. That"s how I like it.

OK, one more thing:

There is a natural way for you to make money. Where you are fully yourself, fully expressed. You are "casted" in a role that fits you like a glove.


I know only a few people who make their money that way.

So in Monday"s "How you block your money" workshop we"ll look at that... I have never looked that way, so this is going to be new to me... Exciting!

How you block money:


OK, here is the example I promised.

I had a student of mine drop his vibration to 100 a few months ago... and it was standing there... He got diligent, I put a 10 over his head, he drank his energized water, he started to sleep regularly, and yet, his vibration was stuck at 100. It"s very low.

A day or two ago I wrote, I think in an article, that what keeps your vibration so low is your "about you" score... where your view of life, the view of the world is occupied largely with yourself.

He read the article, and did one experiment... he acknowledged the source of his results... as much as you can acknowledge anyone other than yourself at 100 vibration.

The next thing that happened: his vibration jumped to 130... that is a big jump.

Your starting point measurements are an invaluable tool to know where you are low vibration... why, how... and what can you do, how you can change, so you can have more life, a life you love and live powerfully.