Your homepage... The emotion you return to in the most inconvenient moments

We all have it.

Mine is devastation. It pops up when it"s most unexpected. Devastation is between grief and terror... squeezes a tiny drop of tear in my eye, no matter where I am, who I am with, when it hits. ((I have revised the wording: it is more like discouragements, loss of hope, loss of a future... but not less damaging.))

It comes up often when I compliment someone.

The other day I sent out an email. I ended with a sentence: "I love working with you."

Most people just ignored it as social grease.

Two people cried.

One person was pierced by it... dumbfounded why.


If someone told me they loved me (and the feeling matched their words) I would, most likely, burst out crying. The devastation, my home page, was my reaction to not being loved, to not being wanted. Of not believing that anyone would love me for me.

It will never stop hurting. I think this was the main reason I aspired to the spirit flying, I aspired to go all the way to the top, where I can be alone. No one to love me, no one to not love me. Normal human reaction. Like the black bear on the top of the pine tree in my collage... Alone, having chosen it.

It"s not the same as depression, or even being sad. It can become sadness, or depression... if you resist the homepage feeling or if you indulge it.

If I wanted to fix this feeling, that I will never be loved, as I have in the past, it would turn into the cycle of hope and hopelessness... opening myself up to a lot of hurt, betrayal, being used. An oscillating structure... a wheel up and a wheel down... a binary structure, like most people I know.

Instead, I consider it the weather... actually a little better... weather sometimes gives you weeks of sweltering heat, or pouring rain, or arctic cold.

The devastation is just a few minutes... then it"s gone, if you don"t resist it.

Yesterday I watched a Netflix series, and was hit by the experience of being an underdog... At the mercy of the big dogs... mother, father, bosses, government...

Other times it is regret and sadness... same Netflix series... something done, not correctable.

Grief over loss... The loss of someone, loss of something, but most importantly, loss of a sense that the world is fair, that you are safe, that you are wanted, loved, and OK.

Your homepage is a feeling, that, like an echo, like a shadow, follows you till you die. You can"t fix it, you need to turn it into an ally.

You can... if your spouse agrees.

I have observed that you marry the person whose soul correction and homepage best matches your own.

And then you are locked in step... neither will grow.

Of all my students, about 20% of them live in a marriage. These students struggle most to sustain any growth. Same is true for people who still live with their parents... by the way.

Why is that? Because marrying the person whose soul correction will compensate your own, is somewhat unwholesome, and if the marriage works, it creates a homeostasis... a workable union, that has a lower vibration than the individuals" of the coupling.

I am not opposing marriage, I am opposing the tepid waters of no growth...

But please forgive me... Growth, human evolution is not just my purpose, it is also my agenda... lol. Not so secret agenda... This is my militant side... lol

What is your homepage? It is similar but not the same as your doom... And it is not the same as your dominant belief. It"s a feeling that is very familiar to you.

Any ideas?

Please share below... it"s OK to be anonymous.

By the way, it is clearly visible in your Bach Profile...

But it all begins with the awareness.

You can"t catch what you can"t see. Can you? Go see the whole article with all the Bach Energies here

 

Regularly this profile is $35, but for the readers of this article, I"ll do it for $25.

What can you do with this information... meaning the Bach Profile?

Awareness is king... once you are aware, like I became, that I have this tendency to fly into hopeless resignation, I can get out of that predictable feeling by knowing that it is not a good place for me to be.

Your homepage attitude... How to have a choice? I teach it to you here...

You read the meme that it is not what happens to you that matters, it is how you react to it. You nod, you don"t learn. You have no idea what it means. You are clueless.

This is one of the memes that never gives you pause, because it is a meme that is also a principle. It is true everywhere, and it is one of the most important things to wake up to... that is, if you want the good life. If you want success. If you want love. If you want to be happy.

But in spite of all your babbling about all that, when someone gives you the tool, you"d rather hide it, rather ignore it, because... gasp... you don"t want to be responsible for your results.

One could say: stupid as the stupid does, and one would be right.

You are mighty stupid, my friend.

You hope that you can continue doing what you are doing, being the way you are being, and reap different results.

Fat chance.

You sign up to courses that you carefully pick out to be ineffective, ineffectual, so you don"t have to have the results.

Name any course you have taken.

If it was a garden variety course, 90% of all the courses out there, then you did it, fully knowing that you won"t have the results it promised, the result you paid for.

And if it is a good course that could change your life, you do it half assed... half-hearted, so-so, and fizzle out in the middle.

You do that with my courses... if by mistake you signed up.

And I mean saying "by mistake" because ultimately you don"t want what you paid for... you want to be able to say: "you see? I tried and it didn"t work. Nothing works for me. Everything is a sham... or I am so rotten that nothing will ever help."

Throw up your hands, and mope, complain, get depressed, angry, stomp your feet, or do the sad donkey dance...

Whatever you habitually do, your reaction to things going the way they go (which they always the way they go) you go to your homepage.

I have been observing this with prurient fascination since I was a child.

To the observant this is obvious... to you this always comes as a surprise, because human nature (the human condition) hides your real nature from you...

I call that attitude, that state, that mood, that behavior your home page.

It is fairly obvious from your Bach Energy chart...

If the energies were organized on a shooting range target, the energies would be in a tight cluster.

Here is an example: all energies point to "tired, loss of energy" and also the underlying dynamic: desire to receive for the self alone, and the ultimate cost.

Here is mine, from just now: Gentian... no trust in outcome. But do I tell the truth that it is MY trust that I COULD give freely, is missing? Hell no. I will pretend that it is YOU, that it is Life, that it is death, that it IS that way.

And this is the essence of this homepage: it is the ultimate smokescreen to release you from your responsibility for your own life, for your own results. To reduce you to an effect, powerless, ragdoll.

Get your Bach Profile, so you can choose to do something different.

Regularly this profile is $35, but for the readers of this article, I"ll do it for $25.



Now, I have discovered this about myself, in fact this is what made me interested in the Bach system: a chiropractor told me that Gentian was my base flower essence.

So I read everything I could put my hands on, bought the remedy, started to experiment with muscle testing for the first time... because her diagnosis was spot on: I had a lifetime of incidents to prove.

Some of those incidents were insignificant in the big picture, but some of those crushed my dreams, like when my reaction to a phone call from Landmark, telling me they would discontinue my training to become a forum leader. I said, sniffling, Oh well... and gave up.

I am watching my participants. It is about the "right time" for the homepage escape to show up... and like clockwork, it does. Breaks my heart. I feel myself going into "Gentian" mode... oh well, I tried... and then catch myself. Oh fig... I almost went there.

I feel the pull that wants me to justify instead of doubling up on my efforts to drive home what they are refusing to learn... what can save them from the human condition.

Strong pull. ALMOST irresistible. Almost. It does take some energy to stay put.

Choosing is "selecting freely, after consideration" as Landmark teaches. So you need to consider if your inclination is automatic, blind, knee jerk reaction. If that is the only thing you could choose. And, ultimately, what it will cost you if you go with the pull...

One way to consider is to do the payoff/cost evaluation. Both. The payoff is always sinister, desire to receive for the self alone. In this instance, the instance of your stuck homepage reaction, is almost always avoiding responsibility.

Responsibility that you are actually choosing to be miserable, angry, feel sighted, vengeful, resigned, lazy, whatever your homepage is... you are actually choosing it. You. It isn"t meted out on you.

And responsibility for the death of the results you so vocally expressed that you wanted. YOU JUST GAVE IT UP! YOU.

You killed it... or you are killing it.

When my students don"t even listen to the replay of the webinars where I teach the tools, let alone memorize them, they act like that black woman, my friend, who after years of leading the same introduction, still haven"t learned the words, so they sound natural, so they sound like her words, not something she needs to read.

Your homepage"s essence is not willing to be responsible that you are causing your life. Always. Moment to moment.

You want to return to your original state, which is using George Bernard Shaw"s famous words: being "a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy."

Inconsequential.

Some of you even have THAT as your homepage... in essence, saying: what I want doesn"t matter... the world is against me. Bah humbug. You are a liar, a pretender, you are that little selfish little clod...

Others, like the dude whose Bach Profile I am sharing above, will blame the world and its demand on him for being tired, listless, and lacking energy... never recognizing that it is his homepage, your favorite excuse for not generating his life... a lie. And excuse. Disgusting.

Or another participant, soul correction "Building Bridges", who always feels slighted, because her homepage is an insistent, rigid, my way or the highway world savior, who deserves to get everything for free, adulation, admiration, and good behavior from others. Ugh... what a racket!

Get your Bach Profile... so you can have a choice...

Regularly this profile is $35, but for the readers of this article, I"ll do it for $25.