How to get reasonably clear of your past?

This morning, while I was measuring someone"s starting point measurements, I wondered if there was another word for the desire measure. And it is... drumroll: entitlement. The person feels entitled to get from nature, from the universe, from the world those things that are desired without having to earn it, work for it, barter for it, compete for it... just because they are themselves. Knowledge, love, respect, compliments, stuff, money... It is almost always the same number as the lack of humility number, how much you think of yourself as the center of the universe, as it"s about you, take things personally.

The higher those two numbers are the less satisfying life becomes, because you always feel cheated.

Every young child thinks that the world, other people, their emotional state and response is centered around them.

So when something happens, and something always happens! they are sure it has something to do with them, that somehow they caused it.

It"s, unfortunately, normal. It is the starting point of a string of misunderstanding, a string of false assumptions, a string of decisions that derail the person"s life.

Almost all that happens in the Landmark Forum, a 3-day course, is designed to bring this string into awareness, so consciousness can correct thinking and behavior after the Forum.

And the 5,000 dollar auditing in Dianetics is all about revisiting that original incident to pull the drama out of it.

Some soul-corrections are unwilling to let go of the drama, unwilling to let go of the story, because the person"s identity is born in that story... and one feels that giving up the story is certain death.

But that is a feeling, and it"s is mistaken.

I lived the first 50 years of my life with the identity of being the victim of abuse. It made me want to punish everyone, I felt the right to do so, entitled.

Then in a collaging exercise I suddenly saw that story and truth may overlap, and they are not the same.

So I started to look what was the truth in my abuse story... and saw that there was 99% words, drama, and 1% reality.

I realized that looking at reality, what actually happened, gently eased my foot off the floor where it had been stuck. Suddenly I experienced freedom, maybe even liberty, joy, self-determination: my actions became my actions, instead of reacting to some stuff that happened long-long time ago, that made me protect myself, or attack others.

I felt myself blossoming, while previously I was like a tight bud, refusing to blossom... why? because I was going to be abused... said the voices in my head.

Until this "suddenly" happens, almost everything you do is to avoid, prevent that thing from happening again, or think it is happening again.

I plan to cause that "suddenly" in session 3 of the Playground... and it is the hardest work I have ever done.

People suddenly resist, become dense, don"t understand, or quit.

If you are in the course, or if you want to prepare for a future that is now a pipe dream, ponder this question:

If I lost my identity, and were asked, or given the opportunity to build a new one: who would I like to be? What kind of person, what would I be doing? Would I be married, would I be a male or a female, what kind of work is calling to me?

The identity, that you are damaged goods, is the only thing that leaves... your level of education, depth and width of your knowledge, unfortunately, remains the same... and you remember your name...

The only identity you have is the original story and your reaction to make sure it never happens again.

You can start over. At any age.

The voices will stop saying: it is not safe to do X, or life is dangerous. You will reclaim your natural curiosity, and zest... because what dampened, what has almost extinguished that fire is the story.

Landmark calls it "your case", Dianetics calls it ... engram...

It is not easy to get rid of it. You won"t get rid of it until you can tell the difference between reality and the interpretation. And because life comes through "occurrence" which is reality plus interpretation, until we are able to separate reality from the interpretation, we are a puppet on a string... predictable, and mostly miserable.

Most people have several engrams... but there is always the original, the earliest, the largest default context, that invites all the other traumatic events, and also provides the interpretation.

My own is "I am on borrowed time... I should be dead." It was the default context of my life for ever... and even today I find myself in it, temporarily, when I see displeasure on anyone"s face.

Even today my first impulse is to withdraw and become invisible, or alternatively become obnoxious and defiant.

Engrams, or your case won"t disappear... no matter what the Scientology people say: you can never become "clear"... you just learn to recognize it and you know what to do next.

I teach that and we practice it in the Playground. Without practice it is worthless... But you don"t know that... Not knowing that you need to practice, or not having opportunities to do so is why most Landmark graduates pretend that they "got it" while their inner world is slowly dying... and their vibration stay low, maybe even gets lower.

I am learning more from the mistakes of others.

My guiding principles have been changing. I am learning how to put a 10 above your head, I am learning how to make it part of my programs that you practice so I can be sure I"ve done all I can do to guarantee your results.

I don"t want to tell the story again... it is in an older article of mine... about the #10 method.

I have dabbled in the #10 method, but never committed to it. It is totally counter to my nature, so it is really hard. And to create processes, to trust that in partnership with peers you"ll do the work... ditto... trust is a little difficult for me.

Nevertheless, I have committed to these new principles... and clients will notice, are noticing, because the difference is very tangible. If you are one of my clients/students and you have noticed... please share your experience with me. And if you haven"t... please call me on it. Thank you.

Oh, I am going to start, in addition to the currently running two Playgrounds, a third one, and maybe a fourth one.

If you are interested, sign up. It is my "loss leader" program: meaning: a lot of work for me, but it prepares you to become a "real" client, someone I can take all the way to human being: where you have a life you love and live it powerfully. It is involved... some weeks one phone/skype call with a partner, others a "hub"... a training with me.