The invisible dynamic: Wanting to win

If you play to win, you"ll always play a small game.

Play to win in anything.

• Win friends, and influence people.


• Win an argument


• Win a competition


• Win at cards


• Win at computer games


• Win a reward, a salary, a compliment, a free examination from a vet


• to look smart, respectable, well-thought-of, generous, holy, spiritual, humble... whatever will make you look, so you can live another day.

They are all about winning zero sum games... Zero sum game: when you win, someone has to lose.

Winning is a survival game. It always has the flip side coming... The flip side of winning is losing... or being a loser.

An oscillating structure. A binary switch. Systemic values.

A life of looking good and making it. No room for anything else. Having your foot nailed to the floor...

Small person life. Survival. The dog chasing its tail. Never a moment to settle down, never a moment to just be...

Having to, needing to, wanting to, should... no rest for the weary... The alternative in unconfrontable.

So what"s the alternative?

Stop. Make friends with yourself. Make friends with losing. Make friends with looking bad. They are ok... Life is life, ups and downs, so what?

Once you settle into yourself, eyes open, nothing rejected, nothing to run from, nothing resisted... you"ll be able to start living.

Maybe even return to innocence, where you played for playing"s sake: that is how you learned life.

Play to expand. Play for mastery. Play to learn something. Experientially. Heavenly...

And by "play" I mean every action in life. Walking, peeing, eating, picking up, or sitting by your computer. Present, alert, alive. A person. Bigger than what"s happening out there... bigger than what is pulling your attention, bigger than what is not you. Coming from your power... not like a dry leaf being blown about by every breeze.

When you go to school: if your goal is to get a good grade, or to know the answer, you are setting up the small game or uninteresting, boring life... a life of despair. Homework attitude...

When you work... the job of getting things done is too small... set it out to expand from everything you do.

When you are with your family... being accepted, or alternatively being obeyed... Just be there. And let them be there. Nothing to prove, nothing to win, nothing to lose.

Every person has an agenda.

Having an agenda reduces you to a machine, a thing among other things, win/lose games.

Distinguish your agenda, and let it go. Or if you can"t, for whatever reason, then make it an overt agenda: say it out loud. To the people you are dealing with.

I have been doing that and it"s given me back to me.

Imagine the mother telling their children: my agenda in this argument is to prove how much better parent I am than your stupid father...

Or at work you"d tell people: my agenda is to prove that I am working, that I care, while I really just want to survive this day.

Or when you come to a call with me: my agenda is to survive this call without finding out anything unpleasant about myself...

You"ll hear yourself and you"ll laugh.

But when the agenda is hidden, you think you are OK.

You think it"s OK to be that way.

It"s not OK, and therefore you are not OK. You are not OK with yourself... I don"t care what other people say, you don"t like yourself.

And a life where you don"t like yourself is not worth living.

When you can tell the truth, in the moment, about your agenda, to yourself, your higher self kicks in, and life shifts, subtly on the outside, but dramatically on the inside.

You come to me first to look good, but ultimately you come to me to get help to see the agendas that run you, that ultimately make you hate yourself.

What you can see, what you can articulate, what you can name returns you to power.

Name it and claim it.

I did that with stupidity. I did that with dyslexia. I did that with arrogance. I did that with contempt. I did that with superiority.

Named it and claimed it.

It took time. It"s not an instant panacea... you have to keep at it.

But underneath, you"ll see, there is a magnificent person, who can.

Keep on naming it and claiming it. Keep on seeing your agenda, get mortified, and become a human being.

Note: I had no idea that this there is a religion of prosperity... called name it and claim it.

Name it and claim it is a "theology" taught by some televangelists, faith healers, megachurches, and Pentecostal preachers. Some of them think the "name it and claim it" label is derogatory and prefer it be called "Word of Faith" or the "prosperity gospel". Word of Faith theology is also called "blab it and grab it" by less kind detractors.

The movement was popularized by Kenneth Hagin (1917–2003), a Pentecostal preacher from Texas and later based in Tulsa, Oklahoma. He taught faith healing and founded the Rhema Bible Church and Rhema Bible Training College.^[2] His church was moderately famous around the state for the insanely large and expensive Christmas light display but not really notable for anything else. Hagin authored scores of booklets teaching how the Holy Spirit could make you rich, healthy, and "anointed" with spiritual gifts if you would just have enough faith to "name it and claim it."

I am not religious, I don"t watch mega churches on television: I expect to work for my money... For me, naming and claiming my ineffectual, evil inclination has proven to be one of the most effective techniques I have ever used.

When you name it and claim it, you own it without any resistance. I call that embracing. You remember the three stages of embracing: level 1: it is the alien on your face, you can"t see. level 2: you are always out of balance by it, but can see around the edges. level 3: you truly embrace it and can do anything with it: you can work, you can sleep, you can run, you can even make love. It is something you can take with you. You let it be, and in return it lets you be.

• So when they say it: name it and claim it, they are teaching religion.


• When I say it: I teach you power over what wants to claim power over you: your laziness, your greed, your evil inclinations.

Name it and claim it is essentially the same as believing in the "law" of attraction, manifestation, vision boards, mind movies. In all of those religions you don"t have to earn what you want, you can just want it, really want it, "claim it" in your imagination, on the vision board, in declarations, and "god" will give it to you. Or the "universe". Or Archangel so and so.

Covering up your laziness with theories why  it is a good thing...

The invisible dynamic: Wanting to win

If you play to win, you"ll always play a small game.

Play to win in anything.

• Win friends, and influence people.


• Win an argument


• Win a competition


• Win at cards


• Win at computer games


• Win a reward, a salary, a compliment, a free examination from a vet


• to look smart, respectable, well-thought-of, generous, holy, spiritual, humble... whatever will make you look, so you can live another day.

They are all about winning zero sum games... Zero sum game: when you win, someone has to lose.

Winning is a survival game. It always has the flip side coming... The flip side of winning is losing... or being a loser.

An oscillating structure. A binary switch. Systemic values.

A life of looking good and making it. No room for anything else. Having your foot nailed to the floor...

Small person life. Survival. The dog chasing its tail. Never a moment to settle down, never a moment to just be...

Having to, needing to, wanting to, should... no rest for the weary... The alternative in unconfrontable.

So what"s the alternative?

Stop. Make friends with yourself. Make friends with losing. Make friends with looking bad. They are ok... Life is life, ups and downs, so what?

Once you settle into yourself, eyes open, nothing rejected, nothing to run from, nothing resisted... you"ll be able to start living.

Maybe even return to innocence, where you played for playing"s sake: that is how you learned life.

Play to expand. Play for mastery. Play to learn something. Experientially. Heavenly...

And by "play" I mean every action in life. Walking, peeing, eating, picking up, or sitting by your computer. Present, alert, alive. A person. Bigger than what"s happening out there... bigger than what is pulling your attention, bigger than what is not you. Coming from your power... not like a dry leaf being blown about by every breeze.

When you go to school: if your goal is to get a good grade, or to know the answer, you are setting up the small game or uninteresting, boring life... a life of despair. Homework attitude...

When you work... the job of getting things done is too small... set it out to expand from everything you do.

When you are with your family... being accepted, or alternatively being obeyed... Just be there. And let them be there. Nothing to prove, nothing to win, nothing to lose.

Every person has an agenda.

Having an agenda reduces you to a machine, a thing among other things, win/lose games.

Distinguish your agenda, and let it go. Or if you can"t, for whatever reason, then make it an overt agenda: say it out loud. To the people you are dealing with.

I have been doing that and it"s given me back to me.

Imagine the mother telling their children: my agenda in this argument is to prove how much better parent I am than your stupid father...

Or at work you"d tell people: my agenda is to prove that I am working, that I care, while I really just want to survive this day.

Or when you come to a call with me: my agenda is to survive this call without finding out anything unpleasant about myself...

You"ll hear yourself and you"ll laugh.

But when the agenda is hidden, you think you are OK.

You think it"s OK to be that way.

It"s not OK, and therefore you are not OK. You are not OK with yourself... I don"t care what other people say, you don"t like yourself.

And a life where you don"t like yourself is not worth living.

When you can tell the truth, in the moment, about your agenda, to yourself, your higher self kicks in, and life shifts, subtly on the outside, but dramatically on the inside.

You come to me first to look good, but ultimately you come to me to get help to see the agendas that run you, that ultimately make you hate yourself.

What you can see, what you can articulate, what you can name returns you to power.

Name it and claim it.

I did that with stupidity. I did that with dyslexia. I did that with arrogance. I did that with contempt. I did that with superiority.

Named it and claimed it.

It took time. It"s not an instant panacea... you have to keep at it.

But underneath, you"ll see, there is a magnificent person, who can.

Keep on naming it and claiming it. Keep on seeing your agenda, get mortified, and become a human being.

Note: I had no idea that this there is a religion of prosperity... called name it and claim it.

Name it and claim it is a "theology" taught by some televangelists, faith healers, megachurches, and Pentecostal preachers. Some of them think the "name it and claim it" label is derogatory and prefer it be called "Word of Faith" or the "prosperity gospel". Word of Faith theology is also called "blab it and grab it" by less kind detractors.

The movement was popularized by Kenneth Hagin (1917–2003), a Pentecostal preacher from Texas and later based in Tulsa, Oklahoma. He taught faith healing and founded the Rhema Bible Church and Rhema Bible Training College.^[2] His church was moderately famous around the state for the insanely large and expensive Christmas light display but not really notable for anything else. Hagin authored scores of booklets teaching how the Holy Spirit could make you rich, healthy, and "anointed" with spiritual gifts if you would just have enough faith to "name it and claim it."

I am not religious, I don"t watch mega churches on television: I expect to work for my money... For me, naming and claiming my ineffectual, evil inclination has proven to be one of the most effective techniques I have ever used.

When you name it and claim it, you own it without any resistance. I call that embracing. You remember the three stages of embracing: level 1: it is the alien on your face, you can"t see. level 2: you are always out of balance by it, but can see around the edges. level 3: you truly embrace it and can do anything with it: you can work, you can sleep, you can run, you can even make love. It is something you can take with you. You let it be, and in return it lets you be.

• So when they say it: name it and claim it, they are teaching religion.


• When I say it: I teach you power over what wants to claim power over you: your laziness, your greed, your evil inclinations.

Name it and claim it is essentially the same as believing in the "law" of attraction, manifestation, vision boards, mind movies. In all of those religions you don"t have to earn what you want, you can just want it, really want it, "claim it" in your imagination, on the vision board, in declarations, and "god" will give it to you. Or the "universe". Or Archangel so and so.

Covering up your laziness with theories why  it is a good thing...

The four core default contexts... or Why I stopped participating in Landmark Education?

Actually, I continued to participate in Landmark after the incident I"ll tell you about... but NEVER intended to contribute any more. Or not really. I was participating from hurt... knowing that what was broken cannot be fixed.

18 years ago, as I was coaching someone, it became clear to me that there are this four core invisibles, that are underneath every issue, every distinction, every weird, unethical, unsavory action a human being makes.

Even though the distinction that there is a broadcast going on that everyone hears and everyone tunes into some of it, part of it, the part that feels relevant to what is going on for them.

I remember, it was 1991, and I drove home after the session, and heard the broadcast that sounded like very radio station playing on the same wave length... and yet I could pick out the part that was hand in glove match to what was going on in my life... I was in love with a married man at the time... and everything relevant to that was playing for me.

I drove to New York and confronted my lover... I don"t remember what happened: nothing good, because nothing changed. I was still hooked... for many more years.

But the idea of the broadcast didn"t become the foundation of my teaching until earlier this year... and the magic began.

But I am getting ahead of myself here...

18 years ago, when I was in San Francisco, I already had an insight that was to revolutionize Landmark Education, that was to increase their results for people manyfold.

So I approached a person who was in charge of product development in Landmark, and shared what I taught in my last article.

The response was... "very nice."

No echo. No one there to hear it.

I was crushed, and dumbfounded...

Today I understand what happened, but at that time I didn"t.

Humans really want only one thing: looking good and making it. And, of course, underneath is, making it a must, are the core four: having to, needing to, wanting to, and should.

Check with yourself and see if you can find them: you have to look good. And you have to make it.

And anything that threatens it is either ignored, fought, smeared, killed, but never considered A is A...

The looking good and making it is survival... and comes from the genes.

But the genes are a lot more forgiving than the memes.

I have never seen an animal sitting and blaming themselves... they do that in fairy tales... but not in reality.

In reality, an animal may make a mistake, and look at the result of the mistake as A is A... and do the next best thing.

They don"t have having to... Having to is a meme.

I personally make sure that I don"t have to anything. I don"t have to do, see, feel, fix, hear... anything.

And I am still working on giving you the same privilege... or even giving Landmark leaders the same privilege.

They didn"t have to appreciate my contribution, they didn"t have to even listen. They would have been better off... but "looking good and making it" or having to look good and having to make it interfered.

They could not see it, because they never went deep enough.

You can only do things consistent with what you see... and, listen up! those Landmark people learned their distinctions, they did not invent it, or did not really make them theirs.

The Nobel Prize winning famous physicist, in an interview with Werner, complained that the applicants for graduate studies with this physicist, Feinstein, did not invent physics like he did.

I watched this with artists. I watched this with philosophy students. I watched this with architects. I watched this with energy practitioners. and... the areas of knowledge are endless.

Truth repeated is a lie. It"s like being a parent to a child borne by someone else. The child is both yours and not yours.

You"ll never get the whole of the foundation of becoming a human being, unless you get at least one thing you can give birth to.

I have one (1) student who is doing the work, and is making the distinctions his.

He is not the most educated, not the smartest, but the most changeable, the most willing to experiment.

Darwin said, in his "The origin of species" from 1859, that the species that survives is the one that is most adaptable.

Adaptable means changeable. Adaptable means: molding oneself to match the new requirements.

You can go on a hunt to find what you are unwilling to give up. What you are unwilling to negotiate. What you are unwilling to make malleable. What you are right about.

You"ll find many. And when you look, there is a "must be looking good and making it" underneath it.

You get instructions from a teacher you hired... but you"ll tweak it until it can"t work, won"t work but you"ll be right.

Or you"ll meekly accept, but refuse to look deeper. Or you argue. Or... many many ways you can be off the strait and narrow...

I can see the snow covered trees from where I sit, and watch, in amazement, the squirrel that runs on the underside of the branch where there is no snow.

The squirrel looks at the world and the snow and life as A is A.

If I suggested to you that you can do something like that in your life, you would have reasons not to do it. Because to you A is not A... A is what it should be for you to do what I asked you to do.

All to buy the right to remain the same.

To continue to live in quiet desperation. Powerless. Unaware that you are the cause. Ultimately.

Here is what I wrote to a student, just now...

I just wrote two articles, but actually proofreading and preparing it to be published takes time.

But they are a direct answer to your questions.

Your daughter is eating NOT according to her type... or she would not be sick.

The main job is to remove have to, need to, want to, and should... and turning all of them to "I get to..." a privilege.

I remember when I looked at life like that... especially on vacations... life was an adventure. I even got to go to school at any age: I loved going to school. I dreamed about moving into the school... how it felt when I was the only person. How it felt not having a shower, and yet being at home.

And I have the same relationship with my diet: I get to eat the stuff I get to eat...

I just did what I ask people to do... caught the mood the have to"s create, and changed the wording to "I get to".

It feels weird to have a glimmer, the stars in my eyes after so many decades of sadness and slavery.

NEW: Who is running your life, the entrepreneur you or the accountant you?

http://www.yourvibration.com/wp-content/uploads/cutting-corners-lazy-300x278.jpg
Just like a company, shrinking looks like a good way to increase profitability.

But business may be (it isn"t) about profitability, but life isn"t.

When someone asks me what is the surest path to Expanding Human Being, I always bring up Bob the Butler. Or the quote and principle from the Neil Stephenson book: Diamond Age. Start living an interesting life. When your goal is not to win every step of the way, it is not to shrink to the size that you can manage, but to grow through trials and failures to the sky: i.e. an interesting life.

CLICK TO CONTINUE