Carrot and Stick or how to win at promises you make to yourself

We all know this, it is too common to think that you don"t have it.

You find yourself attracted to some kind of project. Maybe a new habit, or an exercise regimen.

It feels like it is all yours, done deal, it is in the bag... and then you wake on one morning, maybe next day, and all the inspiration is gone, and you are back to being pedestrian plus ashamed, baffled, and deflated.

Our promises are this way, maybe they last a few days, a few weeks but the inspiration that brought them on disappears almost as fast as it comes, and into the same place, into thin air.

We all deal with this individually, but as someone who took it on myself to teach people how to raise their vibration and live a life on a higher level than before, I need to deal with this especially.

Because unless you can break this invisible yet powerful barrier through, you will never experience that you have grown, that your life has become meaningful.

Lots of coaching companies talk about your negative beliefs, but I don"t believe it is really negative beliefs that can be blamed.

Other companies have come up with inventing yourself as someone who can do all, be all... but their results are as short-lived as any, because who cares if you get a good 24 hours every time you do a course... life is lived outside of those 24 hours, and they hurt more in the contrast.

I have tested different approaches, and now I am ready to test yet another one. I"ll make it a course, but I"ll test some stuff out on free webinars as has been my habit for a few years now.

For most you you, the issue is: will you live like an expanding human being, will you start doing what expresses who you are in the world? Or will you just coast and whither away...

Carrot and stick is the code word for the new method.

Back in 2013-2014 I did ten free Stick and Carrot webinars.

This webinar talked about this whole idea of failed dreams, explored some of the reasons I knew about, and worked with one or two people on the calls to overcome it.

I was in touch with those one or two, to see if what we did on the call has overcome the forces that normally take you out of the game.

Attendance was free, but you needed to be on time. Latecomers were be removed, unless previously cleared. Only regular students could be cleared from being late.

Participation was mandatory, no lurkers.

OK. Enough rules. It was tough... I remember people revolting... Tough sh*t...

Here is the link to get access to the replays. Once you pay, you"ll get registered on the membership site where the recordings sit... You pay a dollar a webinar... I think it"s fair... Get the replays of the carrot and stick webinars.

At the worst you"ll see why you can"t ever keep your word, why you can"t be consistent and tenacious, why, if you continue the same way, you won"t amount to much.

You don"t take the stick seriously: you don"t experience the pain... Or some nasty stuff... like you are too good to have to work for your results. Or lying is as good as doing, having... or the world is your bitch... or some other nasty stuff.

The truth will set you free, but first, let"s hope, will piss you off.

Some of you won"t even get pissed of by the truth... you"ll get pissed off at me... If that"s you, maybe you shouldn"t stay a student...

Telling the truth will set you free. The counter-intuitive path to happiness

Most people won"t adhere to a diet that would make them healthy.

Stupidity? Yes, stupidity on a very deep selfish gene level. ((The selfish gene is not interested in you being happy, fulfilled, feeling connected, or even healthy.

If you have been eating crap, and still can copulate, the selfish gene says: OK, he is alive, he can procreate, good. Let"s continue with the program.

If you have been a user, a taker, a parasite, never accomplishing anything... the selfish gene will say: good... Let"s continue with the program.

Some cultures call this the ego, but there is a basic and fundamental difference between these two: the ego does have energy, forceful and strong, that is pulling upwards... In the Tumbleweed article, Ego, the triangle sitting on its side is stronger than the "spirit" that is standing on its point, yet you need the strength of the "ego" triangle to get anywhere...

I even teach somewhere how to whisper to the ego to help you overcome the pull of the Selfish Gene that wants you to continue what keeps you miserable, small, and limited to a survival machine.))

It"s NOT that they don"t understand the price they are paying.

It"s that they make choices that the genes are making: not making waves, not bringing attention to themselves, not being different, fitting in is more important than being healthy, having energy, feeling good, calm, being intelligent.

Almost everything "social" is gene directed. I say "almost" because I am humble. I don"t know any social that is NOT gene directed, but there could be, maybe.

So what do the selfish genes want?

The genes want to survive, and they want to pass into a new generation.

Being liked, fitting in are important gene commands. So are "kill or avoid those that are different."

Racism, groupism, clickism, party-ism, are all gene based behaviors.

So is being henpecked, ((hen·peck
verb
(of a woman) continually criticize and give orders to (her husband or other male partner).
"henpecked husbands"
synonyms: browbeaten, downtrodden, bullied, dominated, subjugated, oppressed, intimidated; )) All married men are henpecked... and the exceptions only strengthen the rule.

Only when a man is able to consider their sex drive less important than their drive to do something with their lives, that they are able to grow in a marriage or in a relationship.

What do I want you to see?

I want you to see that the selfish gene is running your life to the degree you make sex and fitting in the main event, the main concern in your life.

I"d like you to self-select.

Decide, for now, if you are willing to give yourself to a life that is on a higher plane... even though socially you may suffer a bit. Decide if you are part of the one percent, or not.

If you are willing: you know what to do: with my help you can chart a winning path to yourself in all areas of your life, including social.

If you aren"t willing... no problem. You can stop kidding yourself. You can now see that all the high-falutin ((high·fa·lu·tin
?hif?"lo?otn/
adjective informal
adjective: highfalutin

(especially of speech, writing, or ideas) pompous or pretentious.
"you don"t want any highfalutin jargon")) ideas I write about are not for you. You can now see that you just want to feel better without having to change... I have "feel-better" tools for you, don"t fret.

But YOU need to decide for yourself. ((I used to kick people out from my programs, which means I was making a decision for them. I have stopped... Respect (I am still learning) demands that I let people decide for themselves...))

The worst thing you can do to yourself is maintain your narrative, your story, that you want to grow, that you want to become more, that you want to become an expanding human being... because we now know it will never happen.

Of course things can change: your spouse may leave you, they may die, or you may leave them... ((I have seen examples of this, both ways. One student, his wife left him, and he went back to drinking... and lost everything.

Another, his wife left him, and he recovered his mojo, his ambition, his joy, his drive... wonderful to work with him.))

Chances are that as long as your life does not change dramatically, you won"t have what it takes to take yourself and your life on... your chances for a life of growth are between zero and none.

You see, you can be the best you can be inside the limitations the genes give you... You can even make money, have fun, maybe even feel happy...

Because happiness is accepting how it is... Instead of fighting or resenting it.

Two days ago I ended three weeks of "not happy" state. Saturday I realized that I am not going to follow the business model I paid to learn... So I sent an email and canceled my payments.

I told myself and "them" the truth about it. I am not up for it... The program is about creating a big business, a business that is not the size of business I want to have. I prefer having 20-30 clients and give personal attention to them, than having hundreds or thousands customers who make me money but we won"t interact. Not what I want.

I know, I know... but trust me: having more money won"t make me happier. Having more money is not more important to me than my frequent and deep interactions with you.

I choose this over that. Choice: Selecting freely after consideration.

I watched my aversion to doing the work, even watching the videos... my stomach turned. I would rather have my eyes poked out... lol. I analyzed my behavior and allowed me to inform myself about what is not important to me... I gave it three whole weeks... An experiment that taught me a lot.

Staying enrolled in a program that my whole being says "no" to is horrible... I now know it first hand.

Staying enrolled in growth and evolution is the same for you if you want to live the life of the genes. Watch your resistance to it, watch your feelings... and you"ll know.

There is nothing wrong with you. The police won"t come and arrest you. Your friends won"t think less of you... on the contrary: they will applaud your courage and authenticity: the end of self-deception, the end of pretending.

And once you tell the truth, you can now start asking different questions:

• how do I become the best gene-driven person I can be? Or maybe:


• what can I be up to, what can I work towards that I will actually accomplish, inside the boundaries the genes set for me.

And you can stop duping and torturing yourself with memes and slogans and high aspirations: when you look and ask the right question:

Am I willing to do what it takes to be like that/do that? You"ll get an honest answer: Hell no. Not in a million years. By the way: the people who post those memes and slogans are 99% sure live in self-hate for pretending to be higher minded than they really are! Don"t be fooled. You are not alone... Far from it!

And it is all good. You can now live a life where you come from your strengths instead of your weaknesses.

You can live a life where you do what you do well, instead of trying to do what you say you "love"... What you say you love is a pretense. If you were good at it you would not love it, you"d be doing it, whether it felt good or not... and you would produce results. What you love and what you are good at would be the same activity.

There is nothing wrong with doing what you can do well, and stop dreaming about doing things you can"t.

AL Williams said it best: All you can do is all you can do. And all you can do is enough.

What he didn"t say: do what you can do, and it will be enough... inside the boundaries of what is important to you.

If going out to eat four times a week with your family is important to you, then pretending that you want to eat food that matches your body well is something that will make you despise yourself, hate yourself, put you in conflict with yourself. The pretending is the issue, not what you are doing.

If eating bread and almond butter you buy at Walmart for two meals a day... then don"t dream about having high health number: no chance.

You said you wanted to be healthy.

If you lied: tell the truth.

If you meant it: no food that has ingredients in it can be on your food list. None.

Because foods with ingredients are the Pandora"s box in the area of health... what you don"t see is what is killing you.

The truth will set you free. When you are telling the truth.

Free to be yourself, warts and all.

Bloodless, tearless transformation: is it possible?

A big winter storm is moving across America (I hear Europe isn"t doing better) and people are holding their breaths... Waiting for Godot ((A French nihilist play where people are talking waiting for some imaginary character, called Godot, someone who never comes, and yet you can spend your life waiting for him... Recognize yourself?

One of my favorite short movies is called Godzilla and Bambi... Bambi is grazing, Godzilla stomps him... the end.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tAVYYe87b9w

)) or waiting for death... hoping...

The-powers-that-be teach you to keep your face to the light and avoid the darkness surrounding it. It eventually evolved to a slogan: Think Positive.

Result: a sissy humanity that is drowning in misery.

There are two kinds of lights: one light is like the Sun, life-giving and one light is like a fluorescent light or a candle... lets you see around you, but that"s it. It won"t give you satisfaction, it won"t give you anything... it"s small.


We are told to follow the small still voice within, but no one can check what we hear, no one can check if we are listening to the "right voice" out of the many voices within, and people I watch follow the voice within that tells them to withdraw, to shrink, to shrink away from what is hard, ugly, painful, or fearful.

One of the disciplines I immersed myself on my path to here is Kabbalah, the Kabbalah Centre version of it. Kabbalah is quite open to interpretation.

One of the most important things I learned in my five years immersion is that the Light, the life giving light is behind the darkness. The darker it seems the more Light it reveals when you have the courage and the know-how to go beyond it.

Another way it was said that the Light conceals itself with layers of buffer, as if you put layers and layers of bed-sheets on the window. First it filters the light, but put up enough bed-sheets, and you live in darkness.

Humanity lives in that darkness, and satisfies itself with inventing better and better light sources, like the newest I know, the led light fixtures. Ingenious.

The Dark Side, a group of people that revel in keeping people in darkness, in smallness, in quiet desperation, in slavery, just like the TV production kept Truman in the movie, The Truman Show.

When you look at your own life, don"t you experience asking yourself; "Is this all there is?". Or don"t you ever wonder why your life seems repetitious, your money, success, happiness so limited and so small?

The Truman Show ((This is a very interesting short video putting religious references over the movie: worth watching, even if you are an atheist, like myself.

http://evp-50116959de4b9-dd521b5ed563ee25508422182c681a30.s3.amazonaws.com/truman-hidden-1.mp4

Here is the trailer of the movie. Here is the link to the full movie: you have to register and you have to confirm your email... or you don"t get to see it.

http://evp-50116959de4b9-dd521b5ed563ee25508422182c681a30.s3.amazonaws.com/truman-trailer-1.mp4

)) is one of the most, accidentally, truth-telling movies. Of course some parts of it are not how it is... but the fact that we live in a world that is isolated from all-of-it, that has none of the grandeur of Life, that our choices are limited, and our misery, longing, sense of lack is permanent, like an undercurrent, underscoring everything.

And of course there is no door on our personal wall... the access to something bigger and better is through the dark spots, the darkness that we don"t want to approach. The unknown, the bigger scares us and we choose, time and again, to live in the little limited world where we know (and hate) every nook and cranny, but it"s comfortable.

If you are like that, you don"t belong with me, because you are, to me, the enemy. The ballast that keeps humanity down.

You see, the Dark Side people could continue doing what they are doing, but it"s not personal, and it"s not a physical prison bar they managed to erect, and who keeps the rest of humanity from evolving into the beautiful Expanding Human Being society is you... with your voyeuristic fascination of what you are not doing, what you are not willing to do, but are titillated watching it.

I don"t kid myself that you will ever take that step. I don"t. Your entire life, your cowardice, your finding satisfaction in meaningless stupid things tells me the whole story, the ending: you are not someone who should even be given a glimpse at heaven: because you are the enemy. You"ll weaken it, and spoil it for the ones that have a big enough desire to move them past the fear.

I want to attract the Jim Carreys of the world, (Jim Carrey played Truman in The Truman Show.) not the do-it-yourself pretenders.

Not the 99% but the 1% that can make the world what it really is, for everyone. An exciting and dangerous place, but alive. Alive with pleasure and with grief. The whole enchilada, not just the "tasty" parts.

Are you filling your head with "just in case" knowledge while your life is waiting for you to know what to do?

I woke up this morning. I said the date, out loud, in Hungarian (my last dream before waking up was in Hungarian) and the sound of the words took me to a soul-searching.

I said (in Hungarian), Happy New Year Miss Benshitta... and it hit me, that I would be an old maid, a spinster in Hungary... ugh... would it have forced me to get married and become swallowed up by another"s life?

Had I stayed in Hungary... I probably would have continued working as an architect. I probably would have never done the steps that would have taken me through all the steps one has to take to reach and walk a different path.

I would be unfulfilled, and probably dead.

One of the last things I did in Hungary before I left was establishing and organizing the Hungarian chapter of Servas, and international traveling organization.

The members offer friendship, accommodation, and being part of a family for a few days while they travel.

I had lots of Servas travelers stay with me, in spite of the small size of my apartment. I drove them around, showed them what they could not see, and it was a lot of fun.

I also traveled with Servas, and stayed with countless hosts in Germany, Austria, The Netherlands, England, and Scotland.

Organizing the opportunity for people to meet, just slightly out of the ordinary behavior, got me into trouble, and got the government to pull my passport. My response to that was to leave Hungary for good.

You can"t see ahead on the path, you can only see the next step to take

Had I stayed in Hungary I probably would not have been able to do all the things that got me where I am today, being able to work with people on what is the truth about all the lies we have been fed.

The life that can cause you to expand the most is full of wrong turns, bad experiences, where you need to become more, to pull yourself out of the ditch you walked into.

I spent 30 years making wrong turns. No, make it 60 years... And the stuff I have overcome, the stuff I have seen...!

There is a distinction here that I"d like to teach you:

"just in case" vs "just in time"

The mind, society, gurus, are teaching you the stuff you learn, so you know it. Just in case you need it down the line...

What you really need is the stuff you need to know exactly at that moment, so you can create the next moment from it being now in the right direction: up.

The amount of knowledge that is available "just in case" is billions of pages. The amount of knowledge you need is a few words. The right words that allow you to see the next step...

I"ll give you an examples from my life:

1. In 1966 I took an online course on programming. I got stuck in the first homework... something was wrong in what I did, and I could not figure out what it was. I posted my issue on the students forum, but no one gave me a straight answer: my question was so elementary, my misunderstanding was so basic, no one thought of addressing that. I redid the class three times, and the third time I finally figured it out.


2. Marketers use a service that automatically sends an email to a person who buys something. It is called an autoresponder. I first had an issue setting one up for my business in 2003. I had the same issue: some basic misunderstanding. I went to seminars, I spent close to 50 grands before I found the mistake I made. No teacher would sit down with me for 2 minutes and look, with me, what was the basic issue I was stopped by.

They were teaching, instead, "in case you already got through the hump..." stuff, useless to me.

Now, you could easily say that I was stupid, and no one can help a stupid person, and you may be right. But, maybe, just maybe, if you are not moving in the right direction, if you don"t enjoy your life, if you think you should be always up, always happy, etc. then you also have a basic stumbling block, that unless someone doesn"t say "Oh, he/she is stupid, no one can help them" you will be stuck forever.

I believe that "someone" is me, because

1. I don"t think you are stuck because you are stupid... it is because there is something you can"t see, or don"t know.


2. I love digging and finding that one thing (it is mostly one thing that keeps the whole life stuck) that if it could get cleared, your life would start moving.

Now, if you are still in the learning mode of "just in case I need it" we may not have anything to do with each other: you are not ready.

But when the inner pressure, the tension between your soul and your mind becomes near unbearable, then you"ll know where to go.

I love the joke where the guy takes his car to a mechanic. The mechanic turns the car on, listens to it coughing and sneezing, opens the hood, takes out a hammer and hits something under the hood and you can hear that the car suddenly running smoothly.

He turns to the car"s owner and say: "that will be 500." "500? for one hit with a hammer?" "Oh, you want an itemized bill? No problem. $1 for the hammer hit, and $499 for knowing where to hit."

Another mechanic would have taken the car apart, spent days with it, and maybe or maybe not find the cause of the problem. Just like it happened to my truck back in New Jersey: after they spent a week and 2400 dollars on it, I took it to its first trip only to have the engine block crack after about 20 miles...

You want the kind of mechanic with the one hit with the hammer... hit the right spot. Don"t you? I wish I had a life mechanic like that. For my health, my digestion, my weight, my success... yeah, that"s the type of mechanic I need... I wish there were any to be found...

My chiropractor friend comes to mind who had a car accident some 18 months ago. Since then he had two operations, and hundreds of hours of massage, and injecting into his hand, and light therapy, and acupuncture... and his hand is still hurting.

I bet he would not mind paying five hundred dollars for the hammer hit... would you agree?

In matters energetic, in matters emotions, in matters of inner tension, in matters that can be felt, I am unbeatable. My problem is the hammer: the hammer is in YOUR hand. I find the problem, and you need to act on the new knowledge.

That"s how it works in "real life". No one can fix you, or your life but you. I can only point you to the right direction... while I make you stronger, free-er with my energetic tools. But the rest, my friend, is really your job.

I know this is becoming a long article... what"s the point?

It is your mind that asks that question... the mind that wants answers without having to see anything new.

If you can see the point, then you have enough freedom from the mind to become my student. How is that for an answer?

In the meantime: Happy New Year.

Don"t hesitate to sign up to the Carrot and Stick webinar: one registration gives you access to all the webinars. There we"ll explore the different ways that might work to keep you on target and become a truly Expanding Human Being, doing the things you are now not doing.

Money, health, relationships... it doesn"t matter where you want a change and not working towards it. Bring it to the calls and let"s experiment.

If you didn"t see the point in this article, you are not ready.

 

The original article was published January 1, 2004

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