The four core default contexts... or Why I stopped participating in Landmark Education?

Actually, I continued to participate in Landmark after the incident I"ll tell you about... but NEVER intended to contribute any more. Or not really. I was participating from hurt... knowing that what was broken cannot be fixed.

18 years ago, as I was coaching someone, it became clear to me that there are this four core invisibles, that are underneath every issue, every distinction, every weird, unethical, unsavory action a human being makes.

Even though the distinction that there is a broadcast going on that everyone hears and everyone tunes into some of it, part of it, the part that feels relevant to what is going on for them.

I remember, it was 1991, and I drove home after the session, and heard the broadcast that sounded like very radio station playing on the same wave length... and yet I could pick out the part that was hand in glove match to what was going on in my life... I was in love with a married man at the time... and everything relevant to that was playing for me.

I drove to New York and confronted my lover... I don"t remember what happened: nothing good, because nothing changed. I was still hooked... for many more years.

But the idea of the broadcast didn"t become the foundation of my teaching until earlier this year... and the magic began.

But I am getting ahead of myself here...

18 years ago, when I was in San Francisco, I already had an insight that was to revolutionize Landmark Education, that was to increase their results for people manyfold.

So I approached a person who was in charge of product development in Landmark, and shared what I taught in my last article.

The response was... "very nice."

No echo. No one there to hear it.

I was crushed, and dumbfounded...

Today I understand what happened, but at that time I didn"t.

Humans really want only one thing: looking good and making it. And, of course, underneath is, making it a must, are the core four: having to, needing to, wanting to, and should.

Check with yourself and see if you can find them: you have to look good. And you have to make it.

And anything that threatens it is either ignored, fought, smeared, killed, but never considered A is A...

The looking good and making it is survival... and comes from the genes.

But the genes are a lot more forgiving than the memes.

I have never seen an animal sitting and blaming themselves... they do that in fairy tales... but not in reality.

In reality, an animal may make a mistake, and look at the result of the mistake as A is A... and do the next best thing.

They don"t have having to... Having to is a meme.

I personally make sure that I don"t have to anything. I don"t have to do, see, feel, fix, hear... anything.

And I am still working on giving you the same privilege... or even giving Landmark leaders the same privilege.

They didn"t have to appreciate my contribution, they didn"t have to even listen. They would have been better off... but "looking good and making it" or having to look good and having to make it interfered.

They could not see it, because they never went deep enough.

You can only do things consistent with what you see... and, listen up! those Landmark people learned their distinctions, they did not invent it, or did not really make them theirs.

The Nobel Prize winning famous physicist, in an interview with Werner, complained that the applicants for graduate studies with this physicist, Feinstein, did not invent physics like he did.

I watched this with artists. I watched this with philosophy students. I watched this with architects. I watched this with energy practitioners. and... the areas of knowledge are endless.

Truth repeated is a lie. It"s like being a parent to a child borne by someone else. The child is both yours and not yours.

You"ll never get the whole of the foundation of becoming a human being, unless you get at least one thing you can give birth to.

I have one (1) student who is doing the work, and is making the distinctions his.

He is not the most educated, not the smartest, but the most changeable, the most willing to experiment.

Darwin said, in his "The origin of species" from 1859, that the species that survives is the one that is most adaptable.

Adaptable means changeable. Adaptable means: molding oneself to match the new requirements.

You can go on a hunt to find what you are unwilling to give up. What you are unwilling to negotiate. What you are unwilling to make malleable. What you are right about.

You"ll find many. And when you look, there is a "must be looking good and making it" underneath it.

You get instructions from a teacher you hired... but you"ll tweak it until it can"t work, won"t work but you"ll be right.

Or you"ll meekly accept, but refuse to look deeper. Or you argue. Or... many many ways you can be off the strait and narrow...

I can see the snow covered trees from where I sit, and watch, in amazement, the squirrel that runs on the underside of the branch where there is no snow.

The squirrel looks at the world and the snow and life as A is A.

If I suggested to you that you can do something like that in your life, you would have reasons not to do it. Because to you A is not A... A is what it should be for you to do what I asked you to do.

All to buy the right to remain the same.

To continue to live in quiet desperation. Powerless. Unaware that you are the cause. Ultimately.

Here is what I wrote to a student, just now...

I just wrote two articles, but actually proofreading and preparing it to be published takes time.

But they are a direct answer to your questions.

Your daughter is eating NOT according to her type... or she would not be sick.

The main job is to remove have to, need to, want to, and should... and turning all of them to "I get to..." a privilege.

I remember when I looked at life like that... especially on vacations... life was an adventure. I even got to go to school at any age: I loved going to school. I dreamed about moving into the school... how it felt when I was the only person. How it felt not having a shower, and yet being at home.

And I have the same relationship with my diet: I get to eat the stuff I get to eat...

I just did what I ask people to do... caught the mood the have to"s create, and changed the wording to "I get to".

It feels weird to have a glimmer, the stars in my eyes after so many decades of sadness and slavery.

The field: The invisible distinction that defines your consciousness

We look at life through the space we locate ourselves in.

When you go home for the holidays, you have a space inside which you interact with your mother. You have a space inside which you interact with your father, another space with your siblings.

Some people live their whole life out of one favorite space.

When you know what space you think you are in, and the other person makes no sense, that is because they relate to you inside a different space.

For example, Nancy lives inside Mother-child space. She is either the mother, or she is the child. When she is the child, I am either the mother (she loves that) or Not mother... she hates that. When she is the mother and I refuse to be the child, she throws a tantrum.

This is invisible for her. It"s the water she swims in.


When a coaching relationship doesn"t work, i.e. it is unpleasant, it is forced, it is ineffective, it is always because the two people are in a different space...

My intention is to operate, interact with a student inside the space of partnership. I have my job cut out for me... and I fail more often than not to move them to the space of partnership.

In the Landmark Partnership Course participants got a glimpse of partnership after a whole year of learning to recognize, learning to distinguish all the 16 different spaces that don"t allow for partnership.

Inside the space for Mother-Child partnership isn"t recognized. The mother and the child are NEVER in a partnership: their self interest is sharply different. In fact: partnership there is rejected. It is resented. Same in Father-child... or playmate-sibling, which is yet another space...

Becoming curious (and observant, aware) about the self-interest and the many forms of it is incredibly useful and makes seeing why these relationships lack harmony or growth potential.

You can practice recognizing the self interest (without making it right or making it wrong) any and every place in your life, even in books, or TV shows. Everywhere.

Self interest conflicts with another"s self-interest... because self-interest lives as an either I win or you win phenomenon. Validating self-interest, the other"s self interest, is one way you can take the sting out of relationships and bring them closer to partnership and workability. [note]More on validation: https://www.yourvibration.com/33924[/note]

I am not licensed to teach the Partnership Course, or any Landmark Course, so this is pretty much as much as I can "quote" from the course, without violating my non-compete agreement with the company.

But if you are astute enough what I have written so far is going to make you look. See what space you do your life, do your relationships from.

When things don"t work... you can safely assume that you are in the wrong quadrant, you are in the wrong room, you are in the wrong space.

Identifying where you are at, and where the other is takes practice, but is easy.

Then make the conversation move to another space takes a lot more. A whole lot more. It takes the art of communication.

I"ve recruited seven different people for the experimental communication training. The goal is to make life work, no matter how different they are. No matter what space they hang out most. No matter what they want to accomplish.

Moving people, moving the conversation to another space where there can be alignment, real communication, love, harmony, and ultimately partnership is what I intend to teach.

You, who are not in the course, you can do your work to identify what space you have your conversations in.

The Partnership Course, a fully Tree of Life phenomenon, gets to a deep knowledge through using collages, the non-verbal tactile, kinesthetic representation of a field. [note]There are four "ordinary" fields of relating, values and communication: 1. mother/child 2. father/child 3. playmate/sibling, 4. admirer/admired. (Here are a few collages of someone I don"t know on Flickr. Hover over the images to see which quadrant, which space, which field it shows. )

The fifth field, the field of partnership, cannot be jumped into. It can only be accessed when all the values of the four quadrants, the four ordinary fields, are transcended... i.e. seen but not operational. 1~2 out of a hundred is willing to do the work... We shall see how many in a tiny course I am leading. I am shooting for 50% or more[/note]

Ingenious.

Of course, most of the people in the course first had the thought and then made a collage to illustrate it. Meaning: they stayed on the Tree of Knowledge.

Getting of that tree is not easy... no matter what tool you use.

Most artists create "art" on the Tree of Knowledge too... even though art is not a Tree of Knowledge, word thing.

In this article I have given you a whiff of how to alter your life, on the Tree of Life. The trimtab method, where gentle and small changes turn around your oceanliner... and your life towards workability and towards growth and fulfillment.

As long as you live inside one of those quadrants, uneven quadrants, ordinary communication, workability and fulfillment will be there only for moments, and only as an accident.

When you become intimately familiar with how you and others live their lives inside those tightly defined spaces, you"ll have a choice to stay there, live a limited and predictable life, or to take charge, and direct all your communications to the open water, what we"ll call, maybe, partnership... maybe alignment with all of it...

Haven"t decided yet.

PS: I just realized why people like animals, pets more than people: animals, your choice of animals, allow you to dominate to your hearts content... people don"t...

More on toughening up... and an exercise

More on toughening up...

When I first did the Landmark Forum (actually it was called The Forum in 1987) I remember, distinctly, experiencing, for the first time, that I am not alone.

There was so much misery shared in that room, that it caused a kind of comradery ((special friendship, or experience of being in battle together, that have experienced the crucible of combat together)), I wasn"t familiar with.

I remember thinking: If I am not alone, then it is not me... then it is something shared...

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All my life I tried to not sound arrogant. The more I tried the more people thought that I was arrogant.

All my life I tried to not sound arrogant. The more I tried the more people thought that I was arrogant.

Why is this?

I could not answer this question until this afternoon.

I have been walking up and down the hill. I get into conversations, and I have noticed that people are not hiding from me any more. Actually they seem to enjoy talking to me.

Today I talked to an 80 year old man who I thought was shallow... He actually shared his depth with me, and I appreciated and acknowledge that.

He said how refreshing that was to be acknowledged for his depth instead of his brilliance, meaning his PhD and college professor status. ((I live on a street with many University professors, because Syracuse University is less than a mile from here... I could even share with this guy my theory about why all their wives are dying of cancer... I mean the wives of the professors... And maybe that is what started his self-reflection. I told in myself: "if you can"t take this... I have nothing else to give you... lol."))

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#ActivatingAbilities

The secret of saying no

This is from the Monday Morning Memo:
Years ago, when Henry Kissinger was one of the most admired men in America, my friend Ronnie mistakenly dove into the shallow end of a hotel pool late one night and scraped his scalp pretty badly. Holding his hand over it, he staggered into that little room where they keep the ice machine. The man who turned to see who had walked in was Henry Kissinger.

“Mr. Kissinger,” exclaimed Ronnie, “you’re one of three people I’ve always dreamed of asking for advice.”

“No,” said Kissinger.

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#AccessYourPower

Unless you learn to do math, you remain stupid

The other day, during my daily walk, I met a guy. He was sitting on the long steps that lead to the top of the hill where I live. He was just sitting.

He said hello and almost instantly started to complain.

Turns out he lives on the money he gets for the beverage bottles and cans he collects.

When I asked if he had any education or skills, he said that he was smart and could have anything... easy... even a GED, if it weren"t for Math.

What I answered wasn"t empowering but it was true:
If you are bad at Math you are not smart.

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#newcapacities, #Raiseyourvibration

NEW: Context is decisive, or what do you do that upsets people and destroys your relationships

Someone with a critical eye will offer you some unsolicited advice today, and you should not be afraid to hear them out. Their reputation for painful honesty should be no excuse -- your feelings don"t matter when real knowledge is … Continue reading →

This article:

Context is decisive, or wha
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What"s between you and you

About 30 years ago, I didn"t have a car, and I had to beg a ride every time I wanted to go to Landmark to assist.

I spent hours in cars, in conversations I would not have had otherwise.

I talked to people at length that I would never have talked to. It enriched my life.

One of these people, half my age, drove me back and forth every Sunday. We talked a lot. She had a room full of stuff, neatly organized, figurines and such.

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#osho, #Raiseyourvibration